The true bracket-master
You did your research, pored over those brackets and like everybody else and his brother, you've probably got Connecticut winning the NCAA Basketball Championship. It's the time of the year when everybody becomes an expert, trying to figure out how to win their office pool.
But, you're a real fan – you actually know where George Mason is located (Northern Virginia), that Southern Illinois players are the Salukis and that Xavier's star player is Stanley Burrell, but he's not M.C. Hammer.
Despite all of that, somehow, someway Millie from accounting is going to win the pool and she doesn't know J.J. Redick from J.J. Walker.
Along those lines, the sports retailer rivalfish.com has set up a little contest, "A Babe, A Dog and a Dick." It's a game of prognosticating prowess, pitting hoops guru Dick Vitale of ESPN fame versus a girl named Shira (described as a floozy from the Chicago bar scene) versus Kevin the Basenji – yes, he's a dog.
When it comes to basketball, Shira knows only slightly more than Kevin. She picked Gonzaga to reach the Final Four because it reminds her of a cheese she likes. "I'll have some Gonzaga and crackers," she said with gorgonzola on the brain.
The mutt made his picks by choosing between a bone and a chewy toy with the bone representing the higher seed in each game. It's entirely possible this was the same process used by the NCAA Selection Committee when they gave a two-seed to Tennessee and put Utah State in the field.
The upset-minded canine picked 16-seed Oral Roberts to beat one-seed Memphis.
No 16 has never knocked off a number one, so either Kevin incorrectly smelled history in the making or really liked that chewy toy. But the little mutt did sniff out Northwestern State's shocker over Iowa. You go Fido!
Taking the contest to another level, how about some other celebrity picks. Wouldn't you like to know what Jessica's Simpson's brackets look like? As Dick Enberg would say, "Oh my!" Jessica might not know Chicken of the Sea from gorgonzola, but that's okay.
What about Dancing With The Stars finalists Drew Lachey, Jerry Rice and Stacy Keibler? After all, it is The Big Dance.
How about Dave Chappelle? Filled out half his brackets and took off for Africa.
Tony Soprano? Already knows who'll win because of his "connections."
Billionaire Warren Buffet? Doesn't care about picks, but might want to buy the tournament.
The Amazing Kreskin? Come on – it's too easy.
For the record, Dickie V. picked U-Conn in the preseason and likes the Huskies in the finals over Duke. Vitale's picks were lifted from ESPN.com, so he probably has no idea his reputation is on the line against this meager competition.
Shira likes Villanova to win it all and Kevin the pooch chose Gonzaga to cut down the nets. Maybe he likes gorgonzola too.
I'm picking Texas to beat U-Conn in the finals and at the very least, will feel pretty good as long as I'm not out-picked by a Basenji.
Readers on 'roids
Every Barry Bonds column is followed by a deluge of emails and that was certainly the case last week. While the prevailing sentiment is that Bonds cheated, it's clear that fans are tired of hearing about steroids and some feel that investigating Bonds is merely the tip of the iceberg in a baseball era dominated by performance-enhancing substances.
John Smith writes, "Baseball and professional sports in general represent and reflect a moral and ethical barometer. And they reflect our moral barometer as a society. Just as most professional ball players care more about their individual success than their teams, we see the same behavior in our government and business."
Jobie Low, from the San Francisco Bay Area adds, "Quite frankly, who cares if Bonds was on steroids or not? Let's get real, baseball and every other sport is entertainment. Pamela Anderson is as fake as a three dollar bill, but she provides entertainment value."
Finally, David Schoop of San Francisco, emails, "We have more important questions like, Why is Barry Bonds under a heavier microscope than George W. Bush'? When Bush's supposed lies and allegations get as much publicity as Bonds then I'll dignify the question."
