This Town Ain't Big Enough for Justin and Selena
Today in celebrity gossip: Bieber and Gomez are both in New York but at a safe distance from one another, the last Twilight film has sexily premiered, and a Bachelorette will soon be homeless.
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Last night while walking to the subway in Brooklyn, you might, hypothetically, have found yourself suddenly amid a vast legion of shrieking, shivering, giggling and glowing tween girls and might have realized that, of course, Justin Bieber's show at the Barclays Center had just gotten out. You might have quickly thought "Oh how annoying," but then felt your heart soften at all the happy kids with their tired-looking moms having just had a Big Night, being out late on a school night and everything, every accidental passerby like you exchanging smiles and raised eyebrows at all the pre-teen mania in the air. And you also may have realized that, hey, these kids don't seem upset that Justin is no longer dating longtime girlfriend Selena Gomez at all. Why, they seem nothing but happy. Those nefarious little tweens! Little did they know, perhaps, that just across the river on the island of Manhattan, Selena Gomez was receiving an award from Glamour magazine. Yeah, you know Glamour's Women of the Year awards? She got one of those, because really Glamour gives them to whoever agrees to show up. But that's not the point, the point is that all that giddy joy in the air in Brooklyn and surely what was Selena's great pride at having won her certificate from the magazine could only be possible with these two in different boroughs. Or at least at a safe distance from one another. They were both out in Manhattan on Sunday night, Justin watching football in a private dining room at an Upper East Side Chinese restaurant, Selena downtown in SoHo at the club WiP. So they were far away from each other, but still awfully close for comfort. Let's keep them further apart than that. When Selena's in town, Justin should be off in Canada somewhere drinking more of that youth serum that's keeping the singer, 36, so well-preserved. And when Justin's in town Selena can be, I dunno, in Dayton? Stumbling around Milwaukee? It doesn't really matter where she is, just as long as she's not in the Big Apple with the old boy. It worked out last night and Sunday night, but just barely. In general, we should try to avoid such things. For the sake of the children. [Page Six]
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From tween fan-mania to, oof, more grownup, far sadder obsession, we move to the final grand premiere of a Twilight movie, which happened last night. Yes all the series' beloved stars — Billy Burke, Elizabeth Reaser, Michael Sheen — stepped out in their finest last night in Los Angeles. Oh, and, right, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were on-hand too, looking appropriately sultry for the debut of the sex-filled film. Pattinson wore a glossy, fitted green suit, while Stewart wore a beige gown with big sheer cutouts that showed her underpants area, which she's allowed to do now that she's been made an honest vampire of. So that was it folks. No more. Twilight 5: Big Bad Eddie's Outrageous Occult Orgy opens on Friday and then we will not have to hear about another Twilight movie ever again. Nevermore. And, I'd guess, we won't have to hear about Stewpatz for much longer either, because there's no more marketing to be done anymore. I mean, there will be international premieres and the like, so we will have to endure a bit longer, but mostly we're done. We did it, guys! What a long strange trip it's been. Now let's sit back and wait for the next Hunger Games movie. Sigh. [Daily Mail]
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Speaking of the Hunger Games movies, that series' star Jennifer Lawrence is an a movie opening this Friday, the awards hopeful Silver Linings Playbook, and as seems to be a requirement for people who've worked with this young actress, director David O. Russell is talking about her weight. "I like her as a real person," he said sagely at a recent event. "She looked like she’d been working [out] hard. I just encouraged her to relax and eat a good meal. She immediately got herself a . . . cheese steak." Which, OK, great, fine, glad to hear you were so understanding, sir. But maybe just choose not to be a grown adult who talks about a 22-year-old girl's weight and eating habits in front of a room full of strangers? Maybe just say "Yeah she was great in the film and is a beautiful young lady and we were lucky to have her" and leave it at that? Because good grief, people. It's gotten to be a bit much. Why don't we just let that be her business that she can talk about when/if she wants to and move on to something else. Like Jonah Hill's weight. What's going on with that?? [Page Six]
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Dancing With the Stars dancer (as opposed to star) Cheryl Burke says that she's had meetings with producers of The Bachelorette about possibly, maybe becoming their new suitoress (suitress?) for the next season. "I did meet with the execs but we'll see what happens. There hasn't been a firm offer, but if they offer it to me I would love to do it," she told press. Which, well, now you've stepped in it. Now you probably won't get it, because you've talked about your secret meeting with them. Not how you play the game, lady. Also, don't they usually pick a bachelorette from a previous season of The Bachelor? Isn't it usually one of the ladies who didn't "win" (but of course really did win, because she gets to be on two shows, as opposed to the woman who was picked who only gets to be on one, usually)? I don't think we should put too much faith into this Cheryl Burke from Dance Clowns being America's new Sadie Hawkins. It doesn't seem likely to me. [Us Weekly]
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On the topic of former Bachelorettes, season five lead Jillian Harris will soon be sleeping on the street. No, she's not out of money, not yet anyway, but she will be pretending to be homeless by sleeping on a Vancouver street overnight to raise awareness and money for homelessness. Which, ugh. I guess buried somewhere in that pile of cheap publicity there is good intention and a worthy cause, but these stunts rarely do much but get attention for whatever dope is trying to pull them off. Like, remember when Tyra Banks pretended to be fat for a day and cried because everyone was mean to fake fat Tyra? Or when she, y'know, pretended to be homeless and cried because people weren't paying attention to her for an afternoon? That was, like, 99.9% for Tyra's benefit, and maybe .1% for actual obese or homeless people's. There are probably more productive, less showy ways to bring attention to the plight of the homeless as winter approaches than trying to Live Like Them for a night. Because, you know Jillian, you'll be aware the whole time that it's only for a night and that the next day you can go home and shower and sit comfortably on your couch and watch your season over and over again like you probably do. But the real homeless people? They don't have that easy out, that's a kind of concrete knowledge they don't have. So it's all a little inauthentic, isn't it. Maybe you could let a homeless family stay at your house while you stay on the street? Or maybe just give the $11,000 to a homeless charity and be done with it without doing the pandering make-believe stunt? I don't know. Just seems like there are better ways. [TMZ]
Janeane Garofalo got married to a friend as a joke while drunk in Las Vegas one night long ago but it turns out they stayed legally married for twenty years. The friend, television writer Rob Cohen, is now getting married for real so he and Garofalo had to have a notary dissolve the marriage just recently. Which is a little funny, a little embarrassing, and a little sad. But hey, at least with all this Bachelorette news and now this story, we know that the sanctity of marriage is still mostly intact, despite those ten states that have chosen to flout it by letting dedicated gay couples tie the knot. If it wasn't for those jerks, marriage would be perfect. Every quickie and drunken one, every one done for reality TV. All of them perfect and pure and full of sweet, sweet sanctity. [Page Six]
Caroline Kennedy's daughter Rose Schlossberg hit a car in Los Angeles with her Chevy Impala (this is apparently what Rose Schlossberg drives because she's a plainclothes police officer or something) recently and then the other driver sued. But it's not going to be some long, drawn-out court nightmare of acrimony and money-grubbing. No, everything was quickly resolved, and the lawyer for the plaintiff says that everyone behaved beautifully. "Everybody, including the Kennedys, and their insurance company, were very caring, understanding, ethical, and honest." Well how about that. TMZ is quick to point out that this lawyer is a Democrat, meaning that if he were a Republican, there would be some hideous lawsuit that went on for years and involved hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees. Or something. But yeah, it's all resolved and now Rose can get back to cruising around L.A. in her big Impala, listening to classic rock and suckin' down Winstons. Meanwhile, Conor Kennedy has crashed another golf cart on the Deerfield campus and the administration has reminded the school's equipment manager to "Keep the Kennedy boy away from the expensive equipment. He's got mittens clipped to his sleeves for god's sake. Use some common sense." [TMZ]
