Time does not heal all wounds, but recommitting to the spirit of Memorial Day can help

Roger Raepple
·2 min read

In the summer of 1968 at age twenty-two I was discharged from the Army. A few months later I learned of the death of my high school friend, Steve Babuljak. He was a helicopter pilot In Vietnam and had been killed in action. I contacted Steve’s parents and asked if they’d like to talk about Steve. They declined.

I let a few years pass and contacted Steve’s parents again. They still were not ready to talk about Steve and they kindly declined. Time does not heal all wounds.

A double exposure image of the Arlington National Cemetery and Three Soldiers statue. The Three Soldiers statue is adjacent to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, D.C., just across the Memorial Bridge from Arlington National Cemetery.
A double exposure image of the Arlington National Cemetery and Three Soldiers statue. The Three Soldiers statue is adjacent to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, D.C., just across the Memorial Bridge from Arlington National Cemetery.

This Memorial Day I will think of Steve. He, like so many others, did not get the extra fifty-six years of life that I have. This Memorial Day I will especially think of Steve’s family. What I believe often goes unappreciated and unrecognized is that service in our armed forces is a family affair.

The men and women who serve us have spouses, parents, siblings and others who serve with them, who share the stress and strain of military service, of foreign deployments to distant lands, of separations, of missed children’s birthdays, missed anniversaries, and the many missed simple moments of caring and togetherness of daily life.

Florence American Military Cemetery and Memorial, near Florence Italy. More than 4,390 American service personnel found their last resting place in this 70-acre cemetery.
Florence American Military Cemetery and Memorial, near Florence Italy. More than 4,390 American service personnel found their last resting place in this 70-acre cemetery.

What would Steve be thinking this Memorial Day? I am not sure but I have a sense. Steve was a kind and gentle soul and at the time, the mid 1960’s and early 1970’s, our country was not a kind and gentle place. Controversy over the war led to sometimes violent demonstrations and even to deaths on college campuses.

Civil rights and the demand for them brought turmoil. The assassinations of Martin Luther King and John and Robert Kennedy symbolized the very troubled times our nation was experiencing.

A long exposure photo of the U.S. Marine Corps War Memorial, Arlington, Virginia. Depicting the flag raising on Mt. Suribachi, Iwo Jima, the sculpture is one of the largest in the world with thirty-two-foot-tall figures. A long exposure was used to show “the broad stripes and bright stars … gallantly streaming.” “Uncommon valor was a common virtue” is emblazoned on the base of the memorial.

Today, we are again in the midst of a very divisive time. I think Steve and his parents and many of that generation would plead with us for reconciliation, for a do unto others as you would have them do to you approach to civil discourse, for a return to our Founding Fathers’ practice of compromise without which we would not have a country, and an honoring of those who have died on our behalf by making our country a better place, not a more divisive and dangerous place.

Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, Arlington National Cemetery, Arlington, Virginia. A multiple exposure image to emphasize the guard’s never ending, twenty-four hours a day, three hundred sixty-five days a year duty. “Soldiers never die until they are forgotten. Tomb guards never forget.” - tomb guard motto.
Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, Arlington National Cemetery, Arlington, Virginia. A multiple exposure image to emphasize the guard’s never ending, twenty-four hours a day, three hundred sixty-five days a year duty. “Soldiers never die until they are forgotten. Tomb guards never forget.” - tomb guard motto.

Steve and so many others and their families both before and since gave so much, yet ask for so little. We can do better.

Roger Raepple is a Tallahassee resident of almost 50 years. He is the photographer and author of the award-winning book, "Remember," a tribute to veterans and their families. Reach him at rraepple@comcast.net.

This article originally appeared on Tallahassee Democrat: A Memorial Day call to dig deep and 'do better'