The Things Kate Middleton Cannot Say
Kate Middleton, the party-supply heiress who will one day become Queen of England, has made her first public appearance since the announcement of her pregnancy and her subsequent hospitalization for hyperemesis gravidarum, a condition with symptoms resembling extreme morning sickness. After a shaky couple of weeks, Middleton appeared at the BBC's Sports Personality of the Year Awards yesterday, gracing the London event in a green Alexander McQueen dress and presenting Lifetime Achievement awards alongside future stud horse of England, David Beckham. So that's all well and good — nice dress, nice award, nice presenting partner — but there is one strange thing. It's this: "She didn't formally speak, but shared a few words with the honorees." Which... what? She presented awards but didn't speak? So she was basically a glorified Miss Golden Globe? That is very strange! I've looked for video to see if she did in fact speak, but all I can find is a couple snarky Brits saying that she pulled a wedgie out on stage and was denied a handshake by Jess Ennis. So maybe she really did just stand there clapping and handing awards to people? Which is what Miss Golden Globe does. Give her more to do, BBC Sports! And while we're on the topic, when will there finally be a Mr. Golden Globe? I mean, they've got Patrick Schwarzenegger right there. He's ready, Hollywood Foreign Press! Just put him in! And then tell your colleagues across the pond to give Kate Middleton more things to do. Pickin' wedgies is just the beginning of her abilities. [Us Weekly]
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Allison Williams, star of Girls and daughter of NBC mascot Brian Williams, is dating Ricky Van Veen, co-founder of College Humor and New York tech/media gadabout. We knew this already, it is not new news, but it bears repeating. Especially when we hear that Allison and Ricky were out to dinner this weekend with none other than Ricky's good pal John Mayer and his on-again love Katy freakin' Perry. Yeah. That was a dinner that happened, at the Lion in the West Village, because of course it happened there. It was Friday night, so while everyone else was preparing themselves for the D-Day that was SantaCon, Allison Williams was breaking bread with her lover Ricky Van Veen and John Mayer and Katy Perry. What a weird dinner! In some ways you wish you'd gone because it would be interesting to hear what these people talk about, but in other ways it sounds like a total g.d. nightmare. Annoying trendy restaurant, other customers trying not to stare but wanting to stare so hard, and Katy Perry holding forth on important issues of the day, which, on Friday, were pretty grim. Oh, well. The world spins on, is all you can really say of this. The world spins and the stars shine on all of us. [Page Six]
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Self-styled world's first supermodel Janice Dickinson, the America's Next Top Model judge turned fake modeling agency owner, is engaged to a man, it has been announced. Yes, Dickinson, whose age is reported as 57 even though the scrolls containing that information could only be partially translated as the runic language on them is mostly unknown to historians and philologists, is getting hitched to Dr. Robert Gerner, whom Janice calls Rocky and who is described as "a prominent psychopharmacology expert." Oh, a perfect fit then. I mean, right? If you think about it? Should work out nicely. Dickinson says she's very excited and is already planning the wedding, saying "our wedding is going to make Brad and Angelina's look like a trip to city hall!" So part of their wedding is going to be forcing Brad and Angelina to go to city hall to get married? Because they have not had a wedding yet, so... oh, well. She's probably right. It will be a very special affair. I mean it's going to take place on top of the mystical rock out in the forest where Dickinson was first found [redacted] years ago and when everyone wakes up the next day they will not remember much but for some reason they'll all have dirty feet, as if they were running through the woods barefoot at some point. It sounds great. Hope I'm invited. [Us Weekly]
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Leonardo DiCaprio's relationship with his Wolf of Wall Street costar Rob Reiner Margot Robbie is heating up. The actor was seen entering the Australian actress's Union Square apartment recently and didn't leave until the next morning. So there could have been some kind of sexual romance going on that we weren't privy to, obviously because we weren't inside the apartment or peering in through the windows or anything. Unless some of you were? If you were, then tell us more, but for now we'll just have to guess that maybe they kissed and fondled various things. It's an interesting match, Robbie having been born the year that DiCaprio appeared on the original Parenthood TV show. Meaning 1990. Meaning she's 22 and he's 38 and when she was possibly still wetting the bed he made This Boy's Life with Robert De Niro. You know, that kind of thing. We wish them luck, of course, because human beings should be lucky in love if they can find it, but this one is a little strange. And, hey, Union Square? Some people might also live in Union Square and did not get a call that you guys were hanging out. So, that stings. [Page Six]
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Charlize Theron, who already cut her hair super short for the new Mad Max movie, is now brazenly and bravely letting it live on, in its natural salt-and-pepper state. Yes, like George Clooney before her, Theron is going au naturale, possibly serving to "empower other women," as the Daily Mail sees it. Which could be true, or maybe people will just say "Huh, she looks good" and that will be their whole experience of the matter. Who's to say, really? The point is that Charlize Theron has short, graying hair. But it's really silly to have a conversation about her aging because she is only 37. And we all have gray hairs. Right? Right?? Right. Haha, of course we do. We all do. Every one of us. Everything's fine. It's all fine. Tell us, Charlize. Tell us it's all going to be fine. [Daily Mail]
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Oprah's former domestic Nate Berkus is so taken with his new beau, former Rachel Zoe servant Jeremiah Brent, that he has uprooted from New York and bought a house in the Hollywood Hills to be with his love. Some sort of "insider" tells Page Six, "Nate came to LA, bought a luxury Mercedes and saw a Hollywood Hills home and nabbed it all in the same day." Which, hmm. That doesn't sound very responsible, does it? Like, maybe take at least a week or something? Buying a house and a car is big deal and probably deserves a little more consideration. Does he even know how to drive? Does he know what neighborhoods are what? Los Angeles is very far away from New York City! He might not really know! Guys, is Nate Berkus making irrational, impulsive decisions because of a boy? That really seems like what Nate Berkus is doing. He's done great and all, but ever since Oprah freed him, things have been a bit willy-nilly. Maybe Oprah should her pith helmet on and grab her butterfly net and go catch him again. He can live back in his cubby near the furnace, he'll make her soft boiled eggs when she wants like he used to, and once a week she'll put him out in the yard and spray him down with the hose. It wasn't such a bad life, and he certainly wasn't unthinkingly buying fancy cars and houses at the drop of a hat. That's for sure. I think it's time for Nate Berkus to come on home, Oprah. It really is time. [Page Six]
