How do you tell your kids about a cancer diagnosis? | THE MOM STOP

Before Catherine, the princess of Wales, announced to the world on March 22 that she had been diagnosed with cancer and was undergoing preventative chemotherapy, there was ruthless speculation in the media as to why she was remaining out of the public eye.

I feel for celebrities and other well-known people in her position who are going through a medical condition.

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But I also applaud her for taking the time she needed to tackle her diagnosis privately, with her husband, children and immediate family. So often, when a parent is diagnosed with a serious medical issue, the situation can bring with it uncertainty and anxiety for their children.

As Kate explained in her recorded announcement video, it was important that she spend the time needed with her children to explain the situation to them and assure them that she would be OK.

Unfortunately, it’s a situation that too many young women find themselves in each year, a cancer diagnosis that leaves them having to navigate what it means for themselves and their family.

Research has shown that cancer diagnoses are increasing in women, and young women especially are experiencing the highest rate of the increase in cancer diagnoses. Diagnosis of breast cancer in women younger than 50 have increased in particular over the past two decades, especially in recent years, according to a study from Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis.

Other types of cancer with early-onset cases include cancers of the appendix, cancers of the bile duct and uterine cancer. Gastro-intestinal cancers grew nearly 15% from 2010 to 2019.

According to a study of 17 National Cancer Institute registries, rates of cancer in younger women went up an average of 0.67% each year between 2010 and 2019.

Researchers have said that the increases aren’t confined to the U.S., and the upswing could partly be due to more sensitive screening tests that are catching the cancer early.

Regardless, being diagnosed with cancer of any type is terrifying, especially as a young person. When you are a mother with children to raise, the fear increases exponentially.

I was 33 years old when I got the call confirming that a skin biopsy I had done was cancer ― melanoma.

Unlike so many other kinds of cancer that involve chemotherapy, radiation and more serious treatments, I was lucky in that mine was caught early and meant surgery, including a skin graft on my face, and frequent skin checks was all that was needed.

Still, I remember sitting on my living room sofa, staring at my Christmas tree when the word “cancerous” was uttered by the doctor on the other end of the phone. I was six months pregnant. My 5-year-old daughter and 3-year-old son were playing in the next room, and suddenly I wondered if I would see them grow up.

I had had others in my family who were diagnosed with melanoma, and so I knew the importance of early diagnosis. Still, it was paralyzing, not knowing the answers or how to address the situation with my young children.

In the end, we explained to our kids that “Mommy was going to have a little surgery” and that I would be OK — at their age, and with my somewhat simple treatment, there was no need to explain more.

Below are some tips from NPR on how to address a cancer with children, when a parent or another family member has been diagnosed:

• Address the topic early. Rather than delaying the conversation in hopes of “protecting” them, children are very likely sense that something is going on and it’s best to address it early.

• Be thoughtful in when and where children are told about a diagnosis. Choose a place where kids feel safe and can respond in a way they want or need.

• Use the actual words of the diagnosis, such as cancer or chemotherapy, because they will likely hear them later. Depending on the age of the children, remind them that it is better that they come to their parents with questions, rather than looking up things on the internet. Let them know what the treatment will include.

• Ultimately, make sure kids know that while it is hard news and it’s OK to feel however they feel, and it’s OK to get emotional about it.

• Ask the children if they have questions about the diagnosis. Answer them as to the best of your ability, depending on the age of the child.

Lydia Seabol Avant writes The Mom Stop for The Tuscaloosa News. Reach her at momstopcolumn@gmail.com.

This article originally appeared on The Tuscaloosa News: How do you tell your kids about a cancer diagnosis? | THE MOM STOP