Like Meatloaf said, "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that." And by that, he may've just meant swimming with crocodiles. Because that's nuts.
Spare a thought for 18-year-old Lee De Paauw, who was reportedly trying to woo his love interest, British tourist Sophie Paterson, according to 9 News, when he got bitten by a crocodile in Queensland, Australia, on Sunday.
The pair had just met, and were sharing some great banter. De Paauw told Paterson about his theory that backpackers are more likely to get eaten by crocodiles than Australians. And because he'd drunk "10 cups of goon," he decided to test the theory out.
He jumped into the crocodile-infested Johnstone River. And yeah, it didn't end well.
As soon as he hit the water the crocodile bit him, grabbing on to his arm. It tried to pull him down into the water, as De Paauw punched the croc in its snout.
But the punch did naught. The croc dragged our drunken hero six metres (6.5 yards) away from shore and was about to perform a "death roll," where it twists and turns to pull the limbs of its prey.
A last-gasp poke in the crocodile's eye saved De Paauw's life, as the reptile let go of him. Yet amazingly, De Paauw seems to have no regrets about the incident.
Flowers and chocolates don't cut it any more. If you have a crush on me, get your arm half bitten off by a crocodile or it's no dice.
— Jo Thornely (@jothornely) March 20, 2017
Someday I'll find a person I want to jump in crocodile-infested water for... https://t.co/usssLSEe79
— Rob Marmet (@RobMarmet) March 20, 2017
When asked what he thought about being called one of the "stupidest people around," he said: "I'm not really. I'm just, I don't know, trying to prove a point." Hmm.
De Paauw only escaped with two broken bones in his left arm, but he could've been amputated — if it weren't for the clutch work of surgeons.
To cap off the ridiculous story, De Paauw's antics have indeed landed him a movie date with the girl he was trying to impress. "She's beautiful. Caring and kind," he told the TV station.
It'd certainly make for an impressive, albeit highly concerning "how we met" story if they ever got married.