Don’t turn Taylor Swift shows into petty-minded farce, we'll just look like squabbling kampongs

SINGAPORE Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong has questions to answer. They concern hostile acts. They are awkward, but there really is no easy way of saying it.

When Liverpool came here last year, why were Manchester United not invited? Why is the Prime Minister not personally overseeing negotiations between the warring Gallagher brothers to reunite Oasis for a sold-out gig at the National Stadium? Why can’t our government get Tom Holland to leap from Marina Bay Sands in his Spiderman gear? And why can’t we do all of the above for free, whilst sharing such colossal talents with every other country in Southeast Asia?

These are weighty issues, apparently, issues that are well worth interrupting PM Lee’s press conference in Melbourne to get his hot take on Taylor Swift’s exclusive deal to play six nights in Singapore. These issues don’t make the region – and Singapore by association – look small, petty and vaguely immature on the international stage at all. No, the countries of the European Union are always organising emergency meetings with the British government to thrash out Ed Sheeran’s calendar for the next six months. The winners get Sheeran. The losers get James Blunt.

That’s a cheap shot at a likeable bloke who wrote "You’re Beautiful", a timeless song that’ll be played at middle-class weddings forever. Blunt is always welcome in Singapore. And Malaysia. And Indonesia. And Thailand. And the Philippines. And this could go on for a while – a bit like "You’re Beautiful" – but you get the idea. Leave no country behind, when it comes to pop stars.

Otherwise, national leaders are forced to step in to settle the political impasse, which might prove to be a lucrative entertainment exercise in itself. Get all ASEAN leaders in a mocked-up war room, a la Dr Strangelove, and televise the negotiations. Imagine the popcorn-noshing prospect of watching Thailand bid for Beyonce on the beach, as Malaysia get Metallica and Singapore get Michael Learns to Rock for a fortnight as there is no end to our island’s self-flagellation when it comes to soft ballads.

No one gets left out. The biggest spenders get Coldplay and Taylor Swift. The middle-tier nations get Sheeran and Blunt. And the rest get anyone who went solo from 90s boy bands.

Why the obsessing over Swift's gigs?

You see how easy it is to mock this nonsense? The longer we obsess over a pop star’s gigs and their financial arrangements, the more we shrink into a regional stereotype of being too parochial in our thinking.

PM Lee was essentially asked to defend the cash incentive provided to the Swift empire, with the inference being that the Little Red Dot was somehow guilty of a hostile act towards our neighbours. For heaven’s sake, our food court prices at Marina Bay Sands constitute a more hostile act to our neighbours.

Singapore won the latest round of Swiftonomics. That’s all. A few million were invested in a six-night exclusivity deal. And the projected return on that investment could be anything up to S$500 million for the economy as the island experiences a trickledown effect beyond even Formula 1. The grand prix brings the elite. Swift has brought young adults, teens and families from across the region to fill coffee shops and prata stalls. It’s a broader audience. The cash is spread around.

And that’s all that needs to be said. So why do we need to keep saying it? Why fuss over comments made by a Filipino lawmaker, who claimed that “this isn’t what good neighbours do” as he intended to launch a protest? That’s his right, just as it was my right to protest against an Australian next-door neighbour who kept throwing beer bottles in my dustbin. He reciprocated by trying to punch me in the nose. He missed. He was knee-high to a grasshopper.

But our spat wasn’t worthy of front-page coverage and nor is the fixation with Swift’s concerts. And the use of incendiary language like “hostile” and “unkind” is irresponsible. In ASEAN terms, people trafficking is a hostile act. Money laundering is a hostile act. Securing the exclusive services of a pop star to sing Blank Space for a week is not a hostile act, and really shouldn’t be construed as such.

Making ASEAN look like squabbling kampongs

Not that Singapore hasn’t succumbed to a little parochialism during Swift’s stay either and here’s a quick game to prove it. Take a swig of anything alcoholic to commemorate every time a politician has mentioned the singer’s name this week. You’ll end up with less physical control than stadium security guarding the VIP section.

Swift’s gigs have triggered parliamentary debates as politicians had to promise a “social return” on the investments, which is such a quintessentially Singaporean conversation that gets to the heart of our complicated relationship with the arts. John Lennon heard Elvis for the first time and The Beatles were born. A young, impressionable Singaporean sees Swift for the first time and… let’s commission a survey, a PowerPoint presentation and a list of KPIs to determine a possible correlation between an artist’s impact on an individual’s life choices and potential contributions to the nation.

Any chance we could just enjoy the gig?

No, of course not! Minister for Culture, Community and Youth Edwin Tong had to reiterate that there were confidentiality clauses built into Swift’s contract and promise to see if such clauses had been breached and take the appropriate measures.

What would be the appropriate measures? A life-long ban for Swift gigs? A life-long season ticket to see Michael Learns to Rock? Why are we wasting parliamentary talk time with this stuff? Thank heavens, there is no other business to discuss in the polycrisis, eh?

Besides, if we’re really determined to find the source of the alleged Swift leak, just give Russian security services the wifi password to one of our hotels. They’ll hack their way through in no time. Just ask the German Defence Ministry.

Now, that was a front-page story. Swift’s exclusive concert deal really isn’t, nor are the financial arrangements worthy of a serious parliamentary debate. The economic upsides are obvious. Singapore pulled off a tourism and PR coup. The gigs have been great and the neighbours are now incentivised to lift their respective games. That’s about it.

To pretend otherwise, to drag out the Swift farce and play petty politics ends up making us all look like squabbling kampongs, instead of credible entertainment hubs capable of reeling in the biggest fish. Because if we carry on like this, they won’t take the bait. The money won’t outweigh the negative headlines. They’ll simply go elsewhere.

So let’s enjoy the rest of Swift’s tour and leave the Singapore Prime Minister to deal with acts that are genuinely hostile, like the National Stadium’s failure to host West Ham United.

Neil Humphreys is an award-winning football writer and a best-selling author, who has covered the English Premier League since 2000 and has written 28 books.

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