Steven Tyler Flies the Coop
Another judge is leaving America's favorite singing contest. Is anyone going to be back next season?? Also today: Taylor Swift is very rich and Will Smith contemplates a career change.
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Old screech-witch Steven Tyler, the nobbled and gnarled crone from Aerosmith, is leaving American Idol after two seasons of being a judge. The witch wrote in a statement, "After some long…hard…thoughts…I’ve decided it’s time for me to let go of my mistress American Idol before she boils my rabbit. I strayed from my first love, Aerosmith, and I’m back — but instead of begging on my hands and knees, I’ve got two fists in the air and I’m kicking the door open with my band." Which... OK, sure, makes sense. Tyler then added "Skeebly bloop blap, wappity whip-wap, eye of newt and a toucan's suit, monkey's wig and a two-time pig," and then hopped on a broom and puttered off into the velvet night sky. This leaves Idol in something of a pickle. Tyler's out. J.Lo is probably leaving. Randy might be gone. Are they going to have a whole new judges' panel next season? Adam Lambert might be in, but who else? Brandy? Ricky Martin? Paula Abdul with an old bucket on her head? Could be anyone! [Deadline]
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Sigh. Taylor Swift is so, so much richer than us, you guys. Forbes has released a list of the highest-paid celebrities under 30, and Swift is at the top of it. She earned some $57 million between May 2011 and May 2012. That's gonna buy a lot of Lisa Frank banjos! Also on the list are Rihanna ($53 million), Justin Bieber ($55 million), and Katy Perry ($45 million). Yes, Katy Perry earned forty-five million dollars in the past year. FORTY-FIVE MILLION DOLLARS, for being Katy Perry. The world is out of balance, friends. Things are not as they should be. Also, Taylor Lautner made $26.5 million for taking his shirt off. Yup. So. Just think about that while you drive your Corolla back to your condo with the leaky air conditioner. Just think about that. [Forbes]
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Totally normal dude Will Smith is considering starring in and directing a movie called The Redemption of Cain that was co-written by Jada Pinkett's brother. Mmhmm. But the real kicker is that it's a Bible-based story but they added vampires. Yup. Cain and Abel and vampires. Because that's always such a terrific idea. And he might direct the damn thing! Oh boy, we kind of really hope this happens. Don't you? Aren't you just curious? Maybe he'll cast Jaden as Abel. [Deadline]
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Bravo is trying to get into the scripted series racket, and one of their first projects is a TV adaptation of the David Duchovny/Demi Moore comedy The Joneses, about a fake family assembled by a marketing firm to subtly push products in their neighborhood. So, that could be fun for them? There's a gay "son" in it! And we all know how Bravo feels about gay sons. And hell, they could probably get Demi Moore to reprise her role. She's not doing anything else. [The Hollywood Reporter]
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Director Darren Aronofsky has tweeted a picture from the set of his Noah's Ark movie, and that Ark is gonna be huge. Look at that damn thing! Yowsers. I guess when Steve Carell sets his mind to something, he really sets his mind to it. So this is going to be the definitive Noah's Ark. Sucks to be you, weirdo in Kentucky. [Vulture]