Social Graces: What to do when neighborhood kids keep knocking on your door
Q: What do you do when neighborhood kids keep asking to use your things, like backyard toys, pools and basketball hoops? Not only can knocking on strangers’ doors be awkward, it can also be unsafe. And kids are not always the best caretakers of items they borrow.
A: This is a tough one depending upon your level of comfort and the amount of kids you want going in and out of your backyard and house.
If you are comfortable with neighborhood children playing in your backyard, the most important thing you can do is help establish a few safety and timing guidelines upfront. Make sure that the child’s parent or guardian knows where they are and let the child know of any time restrictions on your end. “Yes, you are more than welcome to come play on the tennis court. We have to leave in about 30 minutes, but you are welcome to play until we leave.”
It’s also OK to set up barriers to help protect your family’s personal time and downtime in general. For instance, it might be helpful to set up days and hours when it’s OK to have friends over to play in the backyard, such as weekdays between 3 and 5 p.m. Ensure that those guidelines are clearly communicated to your children as well if that is the scenario. That way everyone is clear on when open playtime is, and more importantly, when it is not.
Don’t be afraid to say no as well! You don’t want to be left feeling like you might be responsible for another child when you would prefer otherwise. Etiquette is all about consideration, respect and honesty, and sometimes we have to say no even though it feels hard. A simple, “Oh I’m sorry we aren’t having visitors in the backyard right now, but if that changes I will be sure to let you know,” should do the trick.
— Courtney Fadler, business and children’s etiquette expert, founder of CF Etiquette (www.cfetiquette.com).
A: If you have kids in your neighborhood and have things that you don’t want used, then I say keep those items inside.
Here at our home, our basketball hoop, cones, chalk balls and trampoline are things that we allow other kids to use with a “play at your own risk” mentality, which we’ve shared with parents. However, the things that are unsafe, or things that we don’t want used, we keep in our garage. For example, we have an electric powered quad and when a kid does ask to use it, I ask them to grab their helmet and have their parent with them.
I love the idea of kids playing outdoors and having social interactions and if it means they’re using our balls and cones, so be it. In the end, what matters is getting our kids out and having social moments where they’re learning the most important life skills like sharing, being a good sport, taking turns and having fun beyond screen time.
— Faye de Muyshondt, founder and author, socialsklz:-) for SUCCESS (http://www.socialsklz.com).
