Sarah Michelle Gellar Harder on Daughter ‘Because She’s a Girl,’ Says Husband
Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar’s family of four includes daughter Charlotte, 6, and son Rocky, 3 — and the married actors aren’t afraid to comment on each other’s parenting. “Freddie sometimes says I’m harder on Charlotte because she’s a girl. And sometimes I’ll say that I think he’s harder on Rocky,” the actress shared in an interview with Momtastic. “Maybe it’s because I know how difficult girls can be.”
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Deborah Gilboa, MD, a parenting expert and family physician, says that parents are often stricter with the kid who they think is more like them. “We’re comfortable being harder on the child we identify with most, because we think we understand what they need and can handle,” she tells Yahoo Parenting. And of course, on a basic level, it’s easier for mothers to identify with girls and fathers with boys.
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“Mothers may use their own experiences, and fathers can do the same, to guide their choices in parenting,” Jennifer Hartstein, PsyD, a child, adolescent, and family psychologist in New York City, tells Yahoo Parenting. “If a mother was a bit of a rebel and put herself in risky situations, she may recall her own experiences and unwittingly lay them onto her daughter. As a result, she may be stricter. The same can be true of a father’s experiences with his son.”
But while it’s easy to draw parallels to our own childhoods, Hartstein warns that too much projection should be avoided. “It’s important for parents not to put their own history on their child,” she says, stressing that kids are individuals who need to develop for themselves. Gilboa agrees. “Even though our kids share traits with us, they’re their own people,” she says.
Charlotte and Rocky are still young, and Gilboa notes that parenting is a dynamic process, so you never know how things will shift in the years to come — Prinze may be stricter with Charlotte later on. “The important thing is to keep communication lines open,” she says. “Listen to kids’ feelings and engage with them on what your expectations are.”
Gellar and Prinze are doing something really well, though: They’re giving and receiving notes on their parenting in good humor. “Gellar seems like she’s able to hear feedback from someone who loves her kids too,” says Gilboa. “If parents can avoid being defensive about others’ observations of their relationships with their kids, they can be more mindful and aware in those relationships — and that’s a very good thing.”
Photo: Splash News
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