ROGERS' RAMBLINGS: From loss, love
Feb. 13—Today marks a special Valentine's Day for me.
It's my first one with my new wife. We're both excited because it's been quite a journey.
We're a widow and widower. Last weekend after reading in Meg Moss' Chamber Chat about the Love Lock art installation at Kiwanis Family Park, my wife, Laurie, and I grabbed a lock and headed over.
As we looked at the other locks, we reflected on our own love story. It's a story I enjoy sharing. My hope is to encourage those who have dealt with the loss of a spouse by it.
I never thought about being a widower over the years. I know many who have suffered the loss of a spouse during the COVID-19 pandemic haven't either.
Four years ago on Valentine's Day I was enjoying dinner with my now late wife in Mississippi. I was the managing editor of her hometown paper. We were the local romance story.
When I moved to Columbia, Mississippi in 2009 I was a middle-aged divorcee who had given up on love. Amelia was single and much younger than me. She was a volunteer with the local Main Street organization and often dropped press releases off at my office.
Before long, we were the local source of gossip. The hometown girl was dating the newspaper guy. Soon we were engaged, and in June 2012 we were married. We enjoyed all of the things that husbands and wives do. We went to local ballgames, countless charity events and much more.
My late wife was born with several challenges in life, though many knew nothing of her struggles. Among her struggles were seizures that she occasionally suffered. In 2010, while we were dating, she wasn't allowed to drive for several months after suffering a grand mal seizure.
Over the years there were doctor's appointments and visits to specialists, but for more than seven years things seemed to be under control.
Suddenly, on Oct. 10, 2017, the unthinkable happened. It's a day that still gives my nightmares. To make a long story short, Amelia was supposed to drop something off at my office on her way to work. I'd left hours earlier as we worked at different times, and she always called me when she got up and got ready for work. That Tuesday, she never called. When I ran to the house to see if she'd overslept, I found her — still in bed — and dead from a seizure.
The funeral and months after were a blur and my life went into a tailspin. I couldn't focus. I spent nights eating and drinking things that weren't good for my health. I joked that I survived on Little Debbie snack cakes and Fireball Whiskey — a bad combination.
Eventually I moved from her hometown and from Mississippi to join an old friend and former boss in Alabama. That's where the story gets good.
At the same time, here in North Carolina, the woman who became my wife last year was going through the same thing. Laurie lost her husband of more than two decades to complications resulting from diabetes.
As we both grieved, we turned to social media to not only express our grief, but find others who shared the same loss. Nearly two years ago, a simple comment of mine on one of her Facebook posts in a group for widows and widowers led to a conversation.
Before long, Laurie and I were talking regularly, though we'd never met. I was more than 500 miles away in Alabama — in a town not far from where her older brother lived. After months of talking, she courageously boarded a plane for Montgomery, Alabama. We met at the airport when I picked her up and the rest, as they say, is history.
We began meeting when we could. A long-distance relationship built on weekend trips across the South. We found we enjoyed the same things in life. We love travel, food, pets and so much more. By Christmas of 2019 it was apparent we needed to find a way to be together.
As fate would have it, a heart attack brought us closer together. On Jan. 10, 2020 I was preparing to head to cover a basketball game when chest pains struck.
Soon I was in a hospital in Montgomery, Alabama awaiting open heart surgery with Laurie at my side. The doctor asked who would be able to take care of me when I was released from the hospital and Laurie without hesitation said, "yes." For me, that meant heading to North Carolina to recover. As I rested and worked to get stronger we got engaged. Before returning to Alabama to work, we were married.
As I returned to work I had choices to make and so began my move to North Carolina. I left my job in Alabama in July and moved to North Carolina to be with me wife. It's a decision that has changed my life as I've learned to relax, to enjoy life and most of all — to love again.
Out of loss came an amazing love.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone — and don't forget to look for our Love Lock in Kiwanis Family Park next time you're there.
Mark Rogers is editor of The Sanford Herald and can be contacted at mrogers@sanfordhearld.com or 919-718-1227.
Mark Rogers is editor of The Sanford Herald and can be contacted at mrogers@sanfordhearld.com or 919-718-1227.
