Rita's Reflections: The truth behind strong marriages
Carrie Fisher and Paul Simon dated for six years, were married for two, divorced for one year and then dated again briefly before calling it quits for good. Because they were so close in height, Carrie joked to Paul they should not stand next to each other at parties or they would look like salt and pepper shakers.
The adorable Jewish couple were crazy about each other, but a mix of oil and vinegar as they say. While on their honeymoon after a fight, Carrie turned to Paul and said, “Not only do I not like you, but I don’t like you personally!” It was an absurd thing to say to her new husband but in hindsight, it was foreshadowing. Paul walked away from the marriage with inspiration for the song lyrics, “She is like a top / She cannot stop ... And I’m afraid I that I will be taken / Abandoned and forsaken / In her cold coffee eyes ...” Ouch!
Larry and I were chatting with a dear acquaintance when she said she enjoys reading about our relationship. I laughed and told her I was going to come clean and write the truth. She looked a bit alarmed that what I have written up until now hasn’t been honest. It has, but all good fairy tales have an ogre or a witchy woman with passion and pitfalls thrown in the mix. Life can be fun and games one minute and chaos and confusion the next.
Not dealing with confrontation makes me uncomfortable and dealing with confrontation makes Larry uncomfortable. That has been the most challenging aspect of our marriage. Some 54% of married couples deal with a situation that is not resolvable but not worth divorcing over. Larry handles things that are not resolvable better than I do. As I have mentioned before, Larry has a quiet strength about him. It is a wonderful trait, but it can often leave me frustrated. In most cases, Larry knows how I feel within moments of any given situation. I am often left waiting for him to process things.
While talking to Cousin Laura at a family reunion she said the first time she heard her parents argue she thought they were going to divorce. I don’t remember hearing my parents quarrel although I am sure they must have. I appreciate that pleasant memory. Some kids are not so lucky.
A piece of advice for newlyweds: If you haven’t had a squabble yet. Pick a fight before the honeymoon phase is over and learn your partner’s preferred way to handle conflict. It will serve you well in the years to come. I have heard some couples have knock down physical fights then make up like nothing happened. Some couples stew for days. Some use the silent treatment. I prefer clearing the air quickly, making up and moving on.
One evening after a silly spat, I reflected on that scene from Brokeback Mountain when I turned to Larry and said, “I can’t quit you.” Larry flashed me a big warm smile indicting he doesn't want to quit me either.
Larry knows there was only one person I would have considered switching teams for and that was Tina Turner. So, it was heartwarming to hear a married heterosexual woman is waiting for me in the wings if I am ever done with Larry. Ruth, I love you for thinking I would be worthy of marrying knowing I can be a handful. For now, I am planning on going the distance with the one that still flips my trigger. Even though on some days I know Larry wishes he had a pause button for my third-eye thingy.
— Rita Wyatt Zorn is a wife, mother, grandmother and lifetime Monroe County resident. She can be reached at 7.noniez@gmail.com.
This article originally appeared on The Holland Sentinel: Rita's Reflections: The truth behind strong marriages
