Rachel Bilson Impregnated By Somebody Named 'Hayden Christensen'

Price Peterson

Today in celebrity gossip: An unknown mystery man has made Rachel Bilson pregnant, Janelle Monae has fallen ill, and Kevin Hart is feuding with his ex-wife on social media.

Actress Rachel Bilson might be currently imprisoned in the brokedown palace known as the CW's Hart of Dixie, but she's still running free across our hearts and minds like she never left The OC. But just because one of Hollywood's sunniest, snappiest, smart-brained, and pleasant-faced actresses lives her life in the public eye doesn't mean she's without her fair share of mysteries. For example, this week the world learned that Rachel Bilson is "with child," which is a rude ephemism for preggo. Rachel Bilson is pregnant, is what I'm trying to say. But along with that announcement arrived a dark cloud of confusion as everybody scrambled to figure out WHO had impregnated her. Specifically, just who was this alleged boyfriend named "Hayden Christensen" that seemed to be the prime suspect? Google searches turned up nothing, Bing searches turned up nothing, Jeeves was too turnt up to help at all, and at press time none of the private detectives we've hired have been able to uncover any substantial information about this possibly non-existent man. (Is it a man? It's a man, right?) So while we know that the adorable, 33-year-old star of Hart of Dixie is definitely brewing a human being in her tum-tum, the actual identity of "Hayden Christensen" remains a modern day Hollywood mystery. [Page Six]

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Manifestly next-level human being and singer Janelle Monae suddenly has way more in common with Miley Cyrus than we ever expected: She's just fallen ill and has cancelled tons of tour dates! That is bad news especially for Australians who, to be honest, really needed a dose of Monae up in their business, but too bad: She's sick. Us Weekly provides no answers as to what's actually going on with Monae, saying only that "she is being held in Melbourne for 'medical supervision.'" Ominously, the generally very Twitter-active entertainer has gone silent since embarking on that particular leg of her tour and now Live Nation has issued a statement saying that "the remainder of The Golden Electric Tour has been cancelled and there will be no rescheduled performances." Yikes! Seems serious, right? Please get better, Janelle Monae. #Pray4Janelle [Us Weekly]

Probably the coolest way to take advantage of having 10.6 million Twitter followers is to go on rants about your ex-wife. That's what tiny, shouting superstar Kevin Hart did this week after his ex-wife Torrei Hart gave an interview criticizing Hart's current girlfriend Eniko Parrish for being a homewrecker.

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In a string of otherwise 'ignore the haters' type Tweets, Hart denied that Parrish broke up his marriage, but then his ex-wife fired back by carefully explaining to TMZ the timeline of their divorce and demonstrating that Parrish had been in the picture at the time their marriage fell apart. And for good measure she criticized Hart for discussing their marriage on Twitter: "Show some respect, show some compassion, take ownership. Don’t run to Twitter like you’re in 12th grade. Be a grown man, own up to your s***." Um, okay? But giving interviews about the marriage is cool? Also, quick question, why is this any of our business, guys? Maybe hush? Maybe hush. [TMZ]

In a story seemingly invented from whole cloth, People is suggesting that Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes might be on the verge of a breakup! The reason is that she did not accompany him to Cannes despite starring in Gosling's directorial debut, the critically lambasted Lost River. People didn't even bother inventing an anonymous "source" for this one. It's just straight up a picture of Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes looking sad in 2012 and then a few paragraphs about Gosling's filmmaking aspirations. True, Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes haven't been photographed together since November, but they've never fully acknowledged their relationship in the first place, so. Yeah. Ryan Gosling though. Have you ever noticed that he's easy on the eyes? Three apples tall and a David Beckham voice, but still. Pleasant to look at. Just my opinion! [People]

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After eight and a half long years, Mike Myers is ready to finally talk about the Hurricane Katrina telethon incident in which he stood stunned while Kanye West accused George Bush of not caring about black people. In a new interview with GQ, Myers recalls that he didn't really know who Kanye West was back then, but he did recall that West had informed him beforehand that he was going to go off-script. Myers looked pretty famously terrified as Kanye did what he'd threatened he'd do, but now Myers sounds just as angry about Katrina as Kanye was back then and objects to how people made light of his reaction when they should've been outraged by the lack of disaster relief. Or something?

To me that's really the point -- the look on my face is, to me, almost insulting to the true essence of what went down in New Orleans. To have the emphasis on the look on my face versus the fact that somebody spoke truth to power at a time when somebody needed to speak? I'm very proud to have been next to him.

That's right, in an unexpected twist, Myers stands behind Kanye 100%, even though Kanye himself somewhat backed off of his accusations against Bush. But still, let that moment be forever remembered as the time Kanye West knocked Myers out of whatever success-related stupor he'd been trapped in and actually got him angry about stuff. Hopefully? Hey, remember early Mike Myers movies? More of those, please. [Us Weekly]

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Like a graffiti-stained gas station knock-off Statue of David come to life, Justin Bieber has been gallivanting around the French Riviera without so much as a garment to cover his bosoms. Fortunately he was kind enough to copy-paste an image of himself off of the Daily Mail website and Instagram it for our benefit (?):

This next image of professional diabetes impersonator Katy Perry consorting with a feral ghost is really just an advertisement for some magazine they're appearing in together or whatever. But still: What an intergenerational teamup!

This article was originally published at http://www.thewire.com/entertainment/2014/05/rachel-bilson-impregnated-by-somebody-named-hayden-christensen/371412/

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