As head of the Department of Pizza Crime (just go with it), I hereby denounce pizza dipped in milk as the most heinous pizza offense yet.
The ghastly combo hit the internet earlier this week, when a 20-year-old college student posted a photo of it to Twitter. She's since made her account private, but people have reposted it anyway—accompanied, of course, by their opinions.
Pizza + Milk = a great combination😋😋😋 pic.twitter.com/G9LGvTatjF
— zack (@IsaiahDaGawdd) March 3, 2017
Okay. Here are some reasons why this is the worst:
Pizza is not cookies.
Pizza, because it already has sauce, does not need to be wetter. Liquid-wise, it can be improved only by another savory sauce (buffalo, ranch, garlic sauce, etc.).
Now you have to drink milk with bits of pizza in it — cheesy tomato milk.
And fellow pizza crimes don't really hold a candle. Well, what about pineapple pizza? you might ask. And that pizza made with peas and mayonnaise? Well, one's a matter of taste, and the other's just disgusting, to be sure—a pizza troll, if you will, if it can be called a pizza at all.
But this? This is something else entirely.
I read somewhere that people are WILLINGLY dipping their pizza in milk and I will not sit here quietly while such atrocities are going on
— ramón (@RGKMC_) March 4, 2017
good morning everyone except the person who dipped their pizza in milk
— todd coward (@gothbaseball) March 4, 2017
If we're on a date and you dip your pizza in milk I'm getting up from the table and walking away. I don't need to be around that energy.
— Elijah (@EEEEEElijah) March 3, 2017
Apparently pizza dipped in milk is a thing and I'd just like to announce this country needs to get its shit together...
— Cougar Bait (@CougarOnAir) March 3, 2017
Pineapple on pizza is heaven. Don't fight me on this. But today I've seen pizza dipped in milk.. and topped with bananas. I'm done
— Kachine Chingwa (@KachineChingwa) March 4, 2017
So, please: Don't dip your pizza in milk. Save yourself, because there's a worst case scenario here: trying milk pizza could ruin the taste of pizza for you forever.
Just, like, have a nice soda with your pizza instead. And don't even think about dipping.