Peter Jackson's Big Movie Fails to Make $100 Million

Connor Simpson
The Atlantic Wire

Welcome to the Box Office Report where we're so happy Peter Jackson's plot was foiled by you meddling kids. Thank the skies for meddling kids. 

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1. The Hobbit (Warner): $84.8 million in 4,045 theaters 

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Peter Jackson's evil plot to take our money and hypnotize us into submission was foiled. His villainous plan was foiled by you, the people, the ones who chose to go on and live your life instead of submitting and paying $45, or whatever a ticket costs in your town, to watch three hours of deleted scenes from a book. His goal was to make $100 million week one so he can build a giant laser and destroy the moon to throw the world into total and complete chaos. Now his plan is approximately $16 million behind schedule. We're not out of the woods yet, but it's still progress. Be proud, everyone. 

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2. Rise of the Guardians (Paramount): $7.4 million in 3,387 theaters [Week 4]

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To be honest, writing a silly recap of box office tallies seems almost inappropriate in the face of what's happening in the rest of the world. Does anyone really care that The Hobbit had the biggest December opening ever? Some nerds do, probably, but it still feels silly talking about it. The show must go on, as they say. 

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3. Lincoln (Buena Vista): $7.2 million in 2,285 theaters [Week 5]

There's a ticket-by-ticket gridlock in the middle here. Besides The Hobbit, nothing made more than $8 million. The difference between Lincoln, Skyfall, and Rise is, like, three people going to each movie. Ten people saw Rise, eight saw Lincoln, and so on. 

4. Skyfall (Sony): $7 million in 2,924 theaters [Week 6]

What a fall from grace. Bond was in first place last week! And now he's all the way down here, hanging out at the bottom of the barrel with that weirdo Life of Pi

5. Life of Pi (Fox): $5.4 million in 2,548 theaters [Week 4]

Pi made more money than Twilight this weekend despite being in almost 500 fewer theaters. What