I Paid Someone to Sleep Train My Infant While I Went on Vacation
We were on such a high when we checked into the Ojai Valley Inn & Spa this summer - it was the first time in months my husband and I had been in the car without screaming babies in the backseat. When we arrived at the 220-acre resort about two hours from our Los Angeles home, our room wasn't ready, so I changed into my Marysia swimsuit and went straight to the pool. I ordered a salad and a margarita on the rocks with salt and entered full relaxation mode.
While flipping through magazines and taking dips to cool off, I tried to stifle images of Bo, my three-month-old son, crying back at home. Instead of bringing him with us, I'd paid a professional sleep trainer to teach our baby how to cry it out while we went on vacation.
But now that we were away, I kept trying to come up with reasons he wasn't ready to be sleep trained. "He's only 12 weeks old! He'll be hungry without his nightly feeding," I thought frantically. But then I reminded myself he's 15 pounds, so he's gotten plenty of breast milk and I knew he was ready to sleep through the night without a feeding. Plus, my pediatrician had given me the green light.
Two years ago, I had waited until my daughter was five months old before I sleep trained her. I didn't want to let her cry it out because I hated listening to her wail in her crib.
But one weekend, my girlfriend Lisa came to visit and saw how sleep deprived I was. She explained she'd hired a sleep training expert for her two kids and had great success with it. This was the first time I had heard of someone hiring a professional, and I thought it was brilliant.
Lisa took one look at the bags under my eyes and said, "It's time, Katy." That night, she held my hand while my daughter cried for 45 minutes. It was absolutely gut-wrenching to not run to comfort her. Over a bottle of white wine, Lisa insisted, "Sleep training works. Babies really can sleep through the night at this age." With her support and the encouragement of my husband, we successfully got my daughter sleeping through the night after a few days.
When our son was born, my husband reminded me that early sleep training would benefit everyone in our family. As a self-employed realtor who works full time, I regularly receive inquiries from clients looking to buy and sell homes, and I knew that in order to properly function, sleep was a necessity. Our daughter is now two and a half and she's still a great sleeper, so I knew we needed to do it again. Our wonderful night nurse referred us to her friend Deb, a seasoned sleep trainer with nearly a decade of experience helping babies achieve peaceful slumbers. At $30 an hour, bringing a professional in to manage the process seemed like a no-brainer. It's so painful for me to listen to my babies cry, and I knew I didn't have the strength to do it again.
So, I booked myself and my husband a little getaway in Ojai. I didn't want to be in earshot of Bo's weeping. Treating ourselves to a restful retreat meant we could try to enjoy ourselves instead of dwelling on what was taking place at home. After a couple of cocktails, an afternoon of sun, and a few intimate minutes with my breast pump (I dumped the contents), I settled into a Swedish massage at the spa.
At $30 an hour, bringing a professional in to manage the process seemed like a no-brainer.
Before we set off for dinner, I had a moment of doubt. I sent Deb, our sleep trainer, a text suggesting we postpone. "Maybe we shouldn't do this. Maybe you should just evaluate him tonight and we can start sleep training tomorrow night instead." Her response was, "OK," so I thought maybe she was just going to observe his sleep habits for the first night and that put my mind at ease.
Over a meal of Chilean Seabass and sweet pea puree, my husband and I didn't even really talk about what was going on at home. Instead, we discussed how lucky we were to have two healthy babies and loosely planned a future vacation to Mexico - we totally checked out.
When I woke up the next morning in our mountain-view room, I had a detailed text from Deb with a record of every minute Bo had cried. Deb had ignored my request and had moved forward with the training that night - I'm sure I'm not the first parent who got cold feet and I was actually glad she moved forward with it. He woke up three times and cried for upwards of 40 minutes the first time, about 25 minutes the second time and 10 minutes the third time. I told my husband, "Oh my gosh, he cried quite a bit!" I was so relieved Deb was the one who had been there and not me.
When we got home the next day, Deb spent the night again to ensure Bo was on the right track. I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed - I hadn't heard my son cry at all and I slept straight through the night.
When I walked into the living room, Deb asked, "Did you hear him crying all night?" My heart stopped. Then she said, "Just kidding! He cried for 30 seconds at 4:30 a.m. and that was it! I didn't even go in there."
I knew her work was done and, over the next few weeks, Bo only woke up crying a couple times, but I was adamant about not going into his room. I didn't want our hard work to go to waste.
People probably roll their eyes or laugh at me for going away and paying someone to let my baby cry it out, but I knew it needed to be done and I didn't want to put myself through the agony I experienced with my daughter. My mom and stepdad came to town the day after we got home from Ojai and gave me grief because they're not believers in sleep training, but I'm a working mom and I couldn't continue to go on being awake during the night. My days would be so much harder and my business would suffer if I weren't able to get a full night sleep.
And you know what? It felt good to be able to tell them Bo was sleeping through the night - and that it was the best money I've ever spent.
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