Opinion/Your Turn: From the Heart: Winning the dad jackpot
“I honestly don’t know someone I would most rather emulate, and luckily for me, he is my dad.”
— Patrick Murphy
There is no greater compliment a father can receive than to know the one person your adult children hope to mirror in life is you. Chris Murphy is too humble to say that he is that dad.
A native resident of Barnstable, Chris is the youngest of six children. He graduated from Boston College and married his college sweetheart, Martha, at the age of 22. Their new beginning was a whirlwind. Settling in Fitchburg, it was only 10 months after their wedding, as Chris was studying for the CPA exam, that he and Martha welcomed their first child, Patrick.
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Shortly after this, Chris unexpectedly faced an enormous loss. It was not until his parents arrived back to the Cape from Florida that he discovered his father, Henry, had cancer and only days to live. Chris deeply regrets that his father did not get to know him as an adult. He described the person his dad was with one word: integrity.
“He led by example,” Chris said. “My father was the most honored and respected person I’ve known.”
Growing up in a large family, Chris always knew he wanted to be a dad. His second son, Sean, arrived three years after Patrick, and three years later his daughter, Brianna, burst into his world. During the years between Sean and Brianna, the Murphys moved back to the Cape, knowing that is where they wanted to raise their family.
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The demands of being an accountant required an 80-hour work week, especially during the winter months before tax season. But Chris was determined to not let his work commitment interfere with what mattered most to him — time with his children. He soon devised a plan. At 2 a.m. he would leave for work while everyone was sleeping, no one aware that he was gone. Slipping back into the house in time for breakfast, he would then squeeze in reading a book or playing a game before the school day started. It created a bit of an odd schedule, but fit perfectly for Chris.
Each day ended with the same gift of time together. Family dinners were an opportunity to hear about the kids’ day or practice math skills. Whether it was playing in the sand or enjoying thrilling rides at the amusement park — despite Chris’s terrifying fear of heights — Martha expressed that he always enjoyed the kids “in part because he is still a big kid himself.” As sports became the family passion, time with the kids turned into coaching teams or cheering from the sidelines.
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“I always wanted to let them know I was there,” Chris said.
As his children became more independent, Chris discovered his biggest challenge of fatherhood.
“You raised them to have omelets every day and one day they tell you they’re having scrambled eggs,” he explained smiling. Watching them make decisions that might not be his choice was hard, but Chris always tried to give them room.
With the arrival of another grandchild this summer there will be, as Chris refers to them, seven smurfs. The wise philosophy he raised his children with continues with his grandchildren.
“I try to be a teacher and a learner,” he said. “I think you learn a lot from them.”
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What now brings him the greatest pride is watching his children in their roles as parents. Chris reflected, “Seeing them be good parents and citizens, I couldn’t ask for anymore.”
Talking to his children almost daily, Chris’s father role has evolved into one of friendship.
“The best part is that he has truly become one of my best friends — giving an opinion without judgment or expectation,” Briana said. "I can rely on him for a great time, a good laugh, and the creation of a lasting memory. I won the dad (and mom) jackpot and will be forever trying to live up to the high standard they set with my own kids.”
With the kids on their own, Chris continues to be home every day for both breakfast and lunch with Martha. Seeing that dedication “in and of itself makes his kids better people and parents,” Patrick said.
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Now that Patrick is a parent himself, his awareness has grown.
“I knew he was my best friend and the best father I knew throughout my life, but it wasn’t until I became a parent that I realized the immensity of the effort, care, and love that he has bestowed upon our family,” he said. “Being a parent is hard, and being an incredible parent is almost impossible! He has somehow been able to be someone we should all strive to be.”
As proud as Chris is of his three children, they are equally proud to call him Dad. His wish that his children learn a little something from him or that he in some way made their lives a little better clearly came true. Wishing a happy Father’s Day to a most special dad!
Barbara Dunn lives in Marston Mills.
This article originally appeared on Cape Cod Times: This Father's Day focus on building a parent-child relationship
