Oklahoma is redefining what it means to be brave
I'm constantly astounded at my children's "selective" hearing.
There are moments when direct conversation with them yields nothing more than a puzzled "Huh?" Yet, unexpectedly, they'll interject into adult conversations they seemingly couldn't possibly overhear.
Kids' ability to ignore and absorb information from the world is a mystery. Or their ability to recall seemingly obscure moments from time.
One time, after my son made a simple mistake, I interpreted it as him being careless and, in my frustration, threw out, "It's about not making mistakes."
It was not my proudest moment as a father.
Fast forward a few years, he spilled orange juice on the couch and was visibly upset. I told him it was no big deal and we could clean it. He replied, "But you said it's about not making mistakes."
He confessed that he feared making mistakes for the last three years because of what I carelessly told him. He had taken those five words and created an identity around them, and it shaped his actions.
A comedic example is in Will Ferrell's movie 'Talladega Nights' when his father tells him at a young age, "If you ain't first, you're last." Farrell's character lives by it, while his father never recalls saying it.
On Feb. 8, an Owasso student who reported being bullied died the day after an altercation in the school bathroom. This news sat quietly for a few weeks, then exploded into the national spotlight. There are wildly different accounts and rumors of what happened, and the investigation is ongoing.
We might have to face the fact that we could never know what happened or why, but that doesn't mean we can't learn from it before it's too late.
Oklahoma State Sen. Tom Woods recently called the LGBTQIA+ community, which the Owasso student identified with, "filth" that we need to "fight" to keep out of our state when asked about the student's death. His answer was greeted with applause and cheers.
I have read social media posts from pastors mocking the student's pronouns as "was/were" and celebrating their death.
We ask, "Why is bullying an issue in schools?"
Because we allow, promote, condone and celebrate bullying from our leaders. But we don't call it bullying when it's used against people we don't like.
When they target "those other people," we call it "brave" and "courageous."
When I was a kid, those considered brave were Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman and the guy who stood alone in front of a column of tanks leaving Tiananmen Square — individuals who stood against oppression and injustice.
Today, however, the definition of bravery has been distorted to celebrate aggression, exclusion and intolerance. Acts of bravery are playing the victim, being unapologetic and attacking anyone who disagrees with you.
In 2020, a minor took a gun he shouldn't own to a state where he didn't live and killed two people. He was celebrated as brave.
In 2023, after news broke about a local preacher performing in blackface, he doubled down and refused to apologize for his racist and offensive actions. He got words of support, and people called him brave.
Our governor, state superintendent and legislators are called brave for using dangerous rhetoric and passing discriminatory laws and policies. Some even call the LGBTQIA+ community a "bigger threat than terrorists."
But hey, as long as it doesn't affect me.
These messages are boiled down and kids take them on as identities. We have kids who now believe they are "filth," and we have other kids who think they should cleanse the "filth."
So I ask, is this student's death an unintended consequence? Or maybe we need to admit shamefully this is precisely intended.
The message is clear: if people won't conform to our idea of who they should be, we should bully them, pass laws and make their lives so miserable they leave our state — if they don't, well, I guess there is another solution on the table now.
This article originally appeared on Bartlesville Examiner-Enterprise: Oklahoma is redefining what it means to be brave
