Nature Is Healing: ‘Vanderpump Rules’ Rules Is Mean Again

Vanderpump Rules has finally returned to its roots: women bullying and ostracizing other women, while doofus men do doofus things. There’s been a disconnect in messaging post-Scandoval, as many fans and even Bravo angle the show as a girl-power show full of women who are great inspirations. But that’s not Vanderpump Rules, nor will it ever be. It’s a show about awful people with great television presence, and I’d want it no other way.

The group has had many victims, and now Jo joins the pantheon as persona non grata of the in-group. The group drove her to tears this week merely by mean mugging, proving Jo might not have what it takes to fight for a spot in this group, but she’s still the people’s princess. Well, she’s this person’s princess, singular. But that’s how a revolution starts.

While the ladies’ alliance has been teetering for weeks, this is the episode it finally topples, starting with an “accidental” revelation by Tom Schwartz. Pointing out that everyone in the group has made indiscretions, Schwartz casually mentions to Lala that he made out with Scheana 12 years ago. Record scratch. What?

Lala is, understandably, bewildered, immediately tossing away the rest of the conversation to focus on this juicy news. And she carries this bone to Katie as soon as she can, circumventing Scheana and riling up her former enemy. That’s pretty bad from a friendship perspective, but from the perspective of finally giving Katie something to do this season, it’s a godsend. Keep being a bad friend, Lala, please.

And Katie ambushes Scheana at James’ DJ set to figure out the truth. While Scheana downplays the kiss and says it was hardly a makeout, and not her idea, Katie’s still out for blood as she doesn’t like liars, apparently. This is a classic case of humorless Katie, but that general vibe is always a great foil to Scheana’s effervescence. They’re simply polar opposites, and it’s so much more fun when they don’t pretend to be besties.

Katie’s sanctimonious victory lap only lasts a little while before Scheana indirectly gets her lick back, though. The hit doesn’t come from Scheana but through her pot-stirring husband Brock, who feels Katie’s a huge hypocrite. Evidently, after James’ DJ set, Katie met up with former VPR cast member and alleged best friend of Schwartz’s, Max Boyens, and the two went back to her place. Detective Scheana Shay finds this out through her intuition (and the Find My Friends feature). She has 56 people’s locations, and she watches over each and every one of them like the mother hen she is. Scheana is so kind. Unfortunately for Katie, that means her overnight dalliances are going to need to be done with location services off, next time.

Rewinding to the DJ set, Scheana wasn’t the only one in the hot seat, as the ladies finally got a chance to haze Jo. First, Scheana pesters her to take off her TomTom hat, then Katie calls her a “rat girl” while the others snicker and glare at her. Then, Ally shares with the women that Ally’s feelings for Schwartz are like her feelings for her dad, and Lala ponders if she’s had sex with her dad, followed by Katie calling her a psychopath as a cherry on top. Ariana knows how this comes across, so cue a confessional cleanup.

“Before anybody starts boohooing over how Jo is treated by any one of us, know that Jo is a full-blown mean girl bully who did not give a flying fuck about spending Thanksgiving with me in my home, while knowing that our mutual friend was fucking my boyfriend in my house, and it is not bullying for me to point that out,” she says.

While, yes, it’s not bullying to point that out, it might teeter on the line of bullying to say you don’t want Jo to feel comfortable in the same room as the group, and that she’s a crackhead. I don’t think Ariana should be in the business of designating anyone else a mean girl when that’s kind of her whole brand, and the show’s as a whole. Nice girls don’t make good TV (Eileen Davidson notwithstanding), so why even pretend you’re one? It’s kind of a relief to see these women just be mean, as it’s authentic, and that’s much more charming than fake niceties.

Tom Sandoval Returns to His Villain Era on ‘Vanderpump Rules’

While picking at Jo is all fun and games, Lala hit her breaking point this week. Known for kindness and empathy, and never being one to lack transparency, Lala’s grown tired of the group’s secrets, lies, and double standards. Of course, in professing that, she’s acting as a hypocrite herself, but we should expect nothing less. There’s no moral center to this show, nary a voice of reason, and it’s foolish to look for one. So, take Lala’s words with the hefty grain of salt they’re supplied with, as she’s technically right.

There’s an underlying point that’s easy to agree with. When you sign up for a reality show, you need to be prepared to discuss reality. That means different things for different cast members. For Ariana, it means getting raw about why she doesn’t want to let go of the house, and for Katie, it’s to stop expecting to talk about others’ dirty laundry without exposing any of yours. A lack of transparency is a problem Sandoval has majorly struggled with too, for years presenting a facade of sanctimonious perfection, but the world has knocked him all the way down and exposed his layers after years of performing, so he’s no longer able to hide.

That might be why Lala has inched closer to Sandoval, too, as her frustrations build. Although Lala was gleeful to lead the charge of hate against Sandoval and Rachel, she’s put down her pitchfork and allowed herself to be more introspective. There’s no doubt an element of self-preservation, but it’s interesting to see Lala let go of her disdain for Sandoval as she heals from her own tumultuous divorce and looks to grow in her maturity. Granted, her name list for baby number two includes “Mighty,” “Lion,” and “Top,” so clearly her judgment is far from perfect.

Lala’s also frustrated that Ariana has continued to stonewall Sandoval, who tries to make conversation with Ariana at the DJ set. The endless saga of Sandoval and Ariana’s shared home has evidently worn thin for all, and Lala wants Ariana to actually address Sandoval head-on rather than passively live together whilst professing she’s moved on.

I actually think her advice to Ariana comes mostly from a good place, as Ariana’s “too cool to play by reality TV rules” approach has cost her a lot of audience sympathy—though she’s still wildly more popular than Sandoval—and is my main point of frustration. It’s rare a person is handed such an easy route to victory, and startling to watch Ariana fumble that ball at just about every turn. It’s a sharp contrast from how well she’s managed the influencer side of things, scoring endorsement after endorsement and parlaying her way onto Broadway.

Thankfully, (in the present day) Ariana has finally closed on a new house—not in the Valley—and seems set for a fresh start. I’m not sure how either she or Sandoval made it a year cohabitating in such chaos, but I’m ever grateful she can finally move on so we don’t have to witness this timeshare home in Season 12.

And finally, the sandwich shop opened its doors this week… for a sandwich tasting… again. Sigh. One year after Ariana and Katie hosted their last Something About Her tasting, nothing has changed—well, except for the bread of the Greek sandwich. While it’s great to see the interior of the building does in fact exist, it would be even cooler if the sandwich shop opened up and served a customer or two. I also hate to say this, as I love sandwiches so dearly, but the sampler tray didn’t look wonderful. Maybe the sandwiches have a look and taste that simply doesn’t translate to TV.

The streets are saying that the sandwich girls are planning to do a ghost kitchen promotion on Uber Eats, which seems like a fitting continuation of this endless saga. They’ll do anything but open that sandwich shop.

‘The Valley’: The Dreaded ‘Vanderpump’ Spinoff Has Arrived

Luckily, the cast didn’t hold back in their confessionals about the sandwich sham. This group has given Katie and Ariana a lot of grace—strictly speaking on the sandwich subject—and it’s nice to see them finally admit what a farce this all is. I mean, this sandwich tasting was filmed last summer. It simply can’t take this long to open a sandwich shop, and no, I don’t care how complicated L.A. real estate is.

We can only hope that one day, the doors open and people can finally taste those synthetic sandwiches. Truly, the best thing Katie and Ariana can do is just ditch the storefront and move on, as they can surely make money in better ways than through a convoluted sandwich shop. Stay tuned on that front.

Also, here’s a fun fact: the Vanderpump Rules Season 10 reunion is playing on the TV during the scene at Sur, which you can see while Brock and Schwartz chat. How’s that for a meta moment?

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