Monica Lewinsky has become a driving force in the anti-bullying movement, and her new PSA about the impact of hurtful online comments is a must-watch for, well, anyone who uses the internet.
“In Real Life,” which Lewinsky worked on with ad agency BBDO New York and Dini von Mueffling Communications, was released on Monday. It features actors repeating real online comments from various social media sites to targets (also actors) going about their day ― just walking around, eating lunch, and talking with friends.
“I think gay people are sick, and you guys should just kill yourself,” says one man to a pair of two men at a table.
“You know what? All of you Muslims need to go back to the hellholes your from. Can you believe this? Fucking terrorist,” says another woman in a park.
Lewinsky told People that the PSA shows how “people hiding behind a screen will write something they’d never say to someone’s face — and what that says about the inhumanity of their actions. It’s a stark and shocking mirror to people to rethink how we behave online versus the ways that we would behave in person.”
The horrible harassment in the PSA only comes to a stop when passersby ― not actors ― intervene and defend those being bullied.
“If this behavior is unacceptable in real life, why is it so normal online?” the video asks poignantly, concluding with the hashtag #ClickWithCompassion.
Lewinsky told Glamour that “when you think about all the things that have been said about me online, or in print, or in the news—which over the past 20 years must be in the hundreds of thousands, if not millions—I can count on one hand, maybe two, how many times people have been rude or said something cruel to my face.”
(Photo: Amanda Edwards via Getty Images)
The harassment she’s talking about began around twenty years ago, when she was the molten center of a federal investigation because of an affair with then-President Bill Clinton. Lewinsky described that time in her life, when she was treated as tabloid fodder, in a 2015 TED talk, saying she “was patient zero of losing a personal reputation on a global scale almost instantaneously.”
“There are many ways that I have been able to move forward but there are certainly times [like] with that meme that was going around, where I’m still held frozen in amber from incidents from two decades past,” she told People. “It reminds me once again what it’s like to be on the other side. And it’s sometimes made worse when I know people I care about — especially my family — see these memes, too.”
First lady Melania Trump’s first campaign in office also happens to be anti-bullying, though she hasn’t instated any sort of policy agenda on the issue. Despite entering office in January, the most high-profile engagement she’s had about anti-bullying was a lunch last month at the United Nations, where she said, “No child should ever feel hungry, stalked, frightened, terrorized, bullied, isolated or afraid, with nowhere to turn. We need to step up, come together, and ensure that our children’s future is bright.”
Bullying can be an incredibly isolating experience, and many victims feel that they are alone–that something about them, specifically, has brought this on. Explain to your child that bullying is something that can happen to anyone: boys, girls, preschoolers, high schoolers, kids at large schools and kids at small schools. This means there is a large group of people impacted by bullying, and if we all work together, we can certainly make a difference.
DON'T: Suggest They "Just Ignore It"
A common reaction to bullying is encouraging the victim to ignore the bully. "They just want a reaction," people say, and if you deny them the reaction, they'll go away. That's not always the case. Sometimes, when the bully realizes they are being ignored, they can feel a sense of power over their victim that can actually make the situation worse.
DO: Check In Regularly
Asking your child basic questions about their day and their experience at school can help you catch a problem sooner. Ask how a specific class was, or who they sat with at lunch. Ask who is trying out for the team, or who is going to local fair that weekend. These harmless questions tell your child that you care, but they can also help you detect changes in your child's situation that may indicate a bullying problem.
DON'T: Suggest Your Child Stand Up To The Bully
While helping your child prepare a speech or enrolling them in self-defense courses might seem like an empowering solution, you're sending the message to your child that this problem is theirs, and that they have to handle it alone. Instead, discuss what some solutions might be and involve your child in the decision making process.
DO: Set Boundaries Online
The National Crime Prevention Council reports that 20 to 43 percent of middle and high school school students have reported being victims of cyber bullying. Encourage your child to protect themselves by following these two guidelines: 1. Never say or do anything online that you wouldn't say or do in person. 2. Never share any information that you wouldn't tell a stranger.
DON'T: Express Disbelief
While we'd like to think we know everything about our children and their friends, don't express disbelief if they say someone has done something that shocks you. Your child needs to know that they can trust you. Asking them to provide evidence or saying that someone "would never do that" can come across as you taking the side of someone other than your child. Instead, be as supportive as possible and listen to their side.
DO: Encourage Them To Speak Up
A recent study of children ages 9 to 12, showed that 56 percent said that they usually either say or do something to try to stop bullying or tell someone who can help (Brown, Birch, & Kancherla, 2005). Make sure your child knows who he or she can talk to if they have something they want to share, whether that is you, a school counselor, a teacher or a coach.
DO: Discourage Password Sharing
Explain the importance of keeping online passwords private, even from close friends. Your child may be thinking that sharing a password with a close friend is harmless and convenient, but explain that anyone with their password could impersonate them online and embarrass them. If they insist that the friend would never do that, remind them that the friend could share their password, either intentionally or unintentionally, and someone else would have that same power.
DON'T: Take Matters Entirely Into Your Own Hands
While your first reaction may be to protect your child by calling the parent of the bully or confront the child yourself, this is not always a good solution. Not only is this this rarely effective, it may even prove fodder for additional bullying. Your child wants to feel empowered and involved in the solution, so discuss options with him or her and work together to decide on a plan of action.
DO: Be Patient
Your child may be embarrassed or afraid to talk about what is happening to them. This is normal. Rather than pressuring your child into speaking before they are ready, just make it clear that you are willing to listen and be a source of support for them. Once they feel comfortable, they will know that they can open up to you and seek your advice. Better yet, if you've had this conversation preemptively, before a problem arises, your child will know right away that you can be their partner in finding a solution.
DO: Find Resources Online
Green Giant's Raise A Giant site includes a page that lets you read letters other parents have written to empower their children. You can write your own letter and explore their other resources, including videos and sharable infographics. PACER's National Bullying Prevention Center site also has a page with resources like informational handouts, fact sheets, educational toolkits, and the "We Will Generation." You can also browse the video page to see if some of their video resources would be helpful for you or for your child. Green Giant's Raise A Giant site includes a page that lets you write a letter to empower your child, but you can also read the letters other parents have written to inspire your talks with your child.
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