Today in celebrity news: Miley sends an ominous tweet, Snooki looks different, and Paula Deen brings on a big gun.
Whoaaa. There is trouble in House Cyrus. Newly emancipated daughter Miley has sent a tweet, a most sinister and dark tweet, telling her father, Billy Ray, that she's on to him. Specifically, she said "Since you won't reply to my texts I'm giving you an hour to tell the truth or I'll tell it for you" and then included a picture of herself posing with a woman that Billy Ray did the show Chicago with a couple years ago. She's since deleted the tweet and then said that her Twitter was acting "cray," but we all know that the message was received loud and clear as was the intention. So, what, was Billy Ray sleeping with this lady and Miley was gonna tattle? Did Billy Ray make that poor lady disappear in a bog and Miley knows where the bog is? Did Billy Ray fart during dinner and the inclusion of the picture was just an accident? "I smelt it, Dad. But I did not dealt it." There are several possibilities here, but whatever the reason for the menacing tweet, you'd better believe that Billy Boo is shakin' in his boots, his heart achin' and breakin' like the song of old. God what a thing! To be a Cyrus. Just think her brothers, Christopher, Trace, and Braison. They're all Cyruses and only one of them gets a real name. And now they have to deal with this. Things must be crazy in that castle right now. Excuse me. Cray. [New York Daily News via Jezebel]
Hey, um, look. Snooki has a new look...i. Yup, Snooki's got a new looki and we should all be excited about it. She posted a photo to Instagram yesterday showing off her toned body, muscles and all. (She hopefully pronounces it "muskulls.") Good for her? I think it's good for her. She's probably more healthy now. Though the change is drastic, so it's hard not to be a little startled by it. She used to be a little round thing, a bright orange bead, but now she's... not. She's a different Snooki. And thus, is she still Snooki? It's hard to tell. We may never know. What makes a Snooki a Snooki? It's a philosophical question for the ages. When is a Snooki monster a Snooki monster and when is it just an orange person? I suppose it might be up to the individual to decide. [Us Weekly]
Poor beleaguered Paula Deen, she of the unfortunate racist remarks and the teary TV interview, has reportedly hired quite a big gun to manage this PR catastrophe. Specifically, she's enlisted the services of one Judy Smith, a crisis counselor so well known in the biz that she's the basis for Kerry Washington's character on <strike>Mother, May I Sleep With the President?</strike> Scandal. Well at least she's doing something right! You got a big problem, you call a big fixer. It's hard to imagine just what exactly Paula's image rehab will look like. Photo op with Bill Cosby? Anti-slavery PSAs? Who knows. Whatever it is, she'd better get on it pronto. She's already lost her big ham endorsement deal. What if the gravy contract goes next? And then the giblets? All she be left with is her semi-lucrative crispy chicken skin gig, and they only show ads for that in Red Roof Inns that are connected to a Cracker Barrel. Paula needs to get back in the public's good graces soon or else she's going to be deep frying dust motes and old toe nails. [Page Six]
Oy. Chris Brown might be going to jail. See, he's been charged with a hit and run after leaving the scene of an accident without giving the other driver his proper information. He actually gave her fake insurance info. He denied doing so on Twitter, but I guess the LA City Attorney does not read Twitter. So, he's charged with hit and run and driving without a valid license, which could, technically, net him a year in jail. It likely won't, I mean does it ever, but the bigger problem for Brown is that he's on probation from the whole Rihanna nightmare, so this new thing could land him four years in prison. It's doubtful that that will happen, but it could! So I'm sure some people would feel good about that, others wouldn't, and then everyone else would just shrug their shoulders and muddle on with their day because in the end what can be done about any of it. [TMZ]
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A pharmaceuticals billionaire named Stewart Rahr who is friends with Bill Clinton and Leonardo DiCaprio and other famous types because of his philanthropic work apparently sent a sex tape to a bunch of his friends and followers, on purpose. Specifically, the tape featured Rahr "frolicking with three young women in the back of a limousine during the early hours of Monday." Rahr can be heard telling the girls to do things to each other while "I Don't Care, I Love It" plays in the background. He then sent the tape to a bunch of people, saying "What a trip! What a crew!" People were outraged, but whatever. He's a billionaire. He can do what he wants. There is no stopping billionaires, ever. [Page Six]