— Behind the Scenes (@BTS_RadioShow) June 30, 2016
Let’s just start off by saying that Michael Jordan can pretty much do whatever he wants (within reason) and get away with it solely because he’s MJ. Not only is he one of the greatest athletes to walk the earth, but he’s also an incredible businessman and a cultural icon. That buys you a lot of leeway.
I mean, just look at the jeans he wears. Anybody else wears those jeans and it’s a social catastrophe. But Jordan has enough respect that we just have to accept it.
With that being said, the man went on vacation and wore a helmet while riding a jet ski recently. I could be wrong here, but that’s not something people do, right? Like, just take a look at the Google image search for “jet ski.” There’s basically a million results and less than 1% of these people — normal, everyday schmucks like you and me — are wearing helmets. Men, women and children riding the open seas with the wind whipping at their naked skulls.
And here we have one of the world’s greatest athletes not confident enough in his ability to ride a sea scooter without a helmet. Plus, it’s not even a badass helmet. It looks like he borrowed that thing from an eight year old riding a skateboard. Absolutely no swag in that lid. At least get some flame decals or something.
You may be thinking, “Hey, lay off, maybe the jet ski rental place requires you wear a helmet.” Sure, maybe that’s the case for people like you or me, who knows. But I can guarantee you something: Jordan doesn’t wear a helmet if Jordan doesn’t want to wear a helmet. Again, he’s Michael Jordan and he can basically do whatever the hell he wants. So don’t give me that.
You also may be thinking, “Hey, lay off, Jordan’s skull is way more valuable than yours or mine, so it deserves protection.” While that may be a factually accurate statement, we’re also talking about jet skiing here. It’s not really that hard and it’s not really that dangerous (sorry, Sean Kingston). Anyone who follows DJ Khaled on Snapchat sees that maniac going about two hundred miles-per-hour every day without a helmet while videoing himself in the middle of the ocean! His brain is still fine, kind of.
So, if Jordan is that worried about the safety of his brain, maybe he should just start wearing a helmet everywhere. In fact, I’m pretty confident in saying that the chances of suffering a head injury are probably higher on the basketball court.
Or on the golf course.
Heck, he may as well even protect the #brand.
It’s either that, or maybe just let off the jet ski throttle a little bit and leave the helmet at home so I don’t have to make fun of how silly you look. I have all the respect in the world for you, MJ, but you really continue to force my hand here.
But, hey, at least he didn’t wear jeans while riding.