Miami Dolphins trying to trade for draft’s first pick and Joe Burrow? What it might look like.

So what would a trade discussion between the Miami Dolphins and Cincinnati Bengals — which is expected to happen between now and the April 23 draft — look like?

Well, it’s quite unlikely the Dolphins will be able to pry the No. 1 overall selection from the firm grip of the Cincinnati Bengals. But it makes sense that just as the Dolphins are not ruling out the possibility of making that call, we should not rule out the possibility of Bengals owner and de facto general manager Mike Brown from listening.

So what would the Dolphins be willing to offer? And what might the Bengals be willing to consider?

What follows is an entirely fake negotiating session between Dolphins general manager Chris Grier and Brown. For our purposes, columnist Armando Salguero takes on the role of Grier. And Dolphins beat writer Adam Beasley serves as Brown.

Enjoy ...

Fake Chris Grier (who sounds very much like Mando) calls the Bengals.

Fake Mike Brown (who sounds very much like Beasley) answers his phone. In fact, he answers all the phones at Paul Brown Stadium: Hello Chris, why are you calling?

Fake Chris Grier: I’d like to trade for your No. 1 overall pick. And I can’t guarantee that I’m going to pick Joe Burrow. But chances are good I’d like to pick Joe Burrow.

Fake Mike Brown: Why would I ever trade you the No. 1 pick in the draft? The No. 1 pick is worth its weight in gold. I’m going to find my franchise quarterback, who’s going to lead us out of decades of irrelevance. And he’s a local kid. He’s from down the road here in Ohio. And even though there were whispers he didn’t want to come here, he straightened that all out at the Combine. And I’m going to take him No. 1. Why would I trade you the pick?

Fake Chris Grier: Because you’re a smart man. And that weight in gold is something I have. And I know you’re going to listen because, as I just said, you’re a smart man.

Fake Mike Brown: Well, that’s the first thing we can agree upon in this call.

Fake Chris Grier: Very good. So what would it take tangibly if I were to be interested in your first overall pick?

Fake Mike Brown: Well, Chris, you’re catching me off guard here.

Fake Chris Grier: Despite all of Armando Salguero’s fine and accurate reporting in the Miami Herald saying we were gonna do this?

Fake Mike Brown (chuckling): Off the top of my head, I have a list of demands and I think this would be it: I understand you have three first-round picks. I’m not going to be greedy. I’m not going to ask for all three of those. In fact, I’m only going to ask for two of them. And you can throw in the 39th overall pick (in the second) if we can make it work.

But I do have a couple of other demands. You want the No. 1 pick right?

Fake Chris Grier: Yes.

Fake Mike Brown: And you want a quarterback.

Fake Chris Grier: Among other things.

Fake Mike Brown: How about I give you the No. 1 pick and a quarterback. I’ll send you the No. 1 pick and Andy Dalton and I need the 5, the 18, 39 and I need some good players, too. You send me Xavien Howard and DeVante Parker. You do all that and I’ll trade you the No. 1 pick.

Editor’s note: Most NFL GMs are likely to want picks instead of current players. Picks, picks, picks. But Beasley knows his subject. It must be noted the real Mike Brown will be 85 years old in August. So he might want to speed up the process of making the Bengals good. And one does that by adding plug-and-play players who are experienced but also young.

Fake Chris Grier: Right. Thank you. I appreciate that opportunity. We have a veteran quarterback that we like a lot. His name is Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Fake Mike Brown: How many playoff games has Ryan Fitzpatrick won?

Fake Chris Grier: Well, I don’t want to denigrate players here. He has won as many as Andy Dalton. But I’d say to you Andy Dalton doesn’t make sense for us. We’re not interested in Andy Dalton. We’re also not interested in trading DeVante Parker. He’s a solid to more than solid player at a good cap value. I know you’re interested in Xavien Howard. We can discuss that. But that would be instead of and not in addition to other draft considerations.

Fake Mike Brown: OK, so what is your offer?

Fake Chris Grier: So, I understand your desire for the No. 5 pick. I would give you the No. 5 pick. I would give you the No. 18 pick. And I would give you Xavien Howard.

Fake Mike Brown: That is a good offer. I’m still stuck with Andy Dalton and his $17 million contract but, you know what, Bill Belichick called me earlier and I hadn’t gotten back yet so I’ll see what he’s interested in.

But I’m going to tell you, Fake Chris, the No. 5 pick is really good. There’s value there. The problem is we love Joe Burrow. We want Joe Burrow to be our franchise quarterback. If we can be persuaded to go in another direction, we will. But I don’t want to go all the way down to 5. You have to get me to No. 3.

So if you get on the horn with the good people of Detroit and move up to No. 3, then we’d have a deal. I’d take 3, 18 and Xavien Howard and you can have the No. 1 pick.

Editor’s note: The astute Daniel Jeremiah of the NFL Network floated a similar approach on Twitter on Tuesday. Great minds think alike ...

Fake Chris Grier: Yeah, I appreciate you wanting to muck everything up, Mike. We don’t have the No. 3 overall pick and I’d prefer not to get involved with a third team here. We’re offering you a Pro Bowl cornerback, which Lou Anarumo will turn into a generational player. And we’re offering you two first-round picks. And I’m offering you these picks this year, by the way. You still can get your quarterback at No. 5.

Editor’s note: Beasley’s desire to get Detroit involved is smart. It gives the Bengals a chance to drop only two slots and all but guarantees them getting their second choice at quarterback, which the No. 5 pick probably doesn’t.

Mando, meanwhile, understands that if he has to go to Detroit he accomplishes nothing but drastically increasing the price of his trades because now he’s paying off two teams instead of one. And what if he gets to No. 3 and that dang Beasley decides to change his mind about dropping?

Fake Mike Brown: That’s a strong counter, as I said. But we really, really like Tua.

Fake Chris Grier: You can get Tua at No. 5.

Editor’s note: Maybe ... Maybe not. But fake GMs, just like real GMs sometimes aren’t completely truthful.

Fake Mike Brown: We could, but there’s no guarantee. There’s no guarantee somebody’s not going to jump us and get to No. 3.

Fake Chris Grier: Well, that’s something you’d have to take up with the Detroit Lions yourself.

Fake Mike Brown: I understand that. Here’s the problem, Chris, you guys have a lot more draft capital than we do. And you were very wise in the way you planned your 2020 offseason. We have the first pick, as you know. We have the 33rd and the 65th but those are our only picks in the top 100. So to go from 5 to 3 we’re going to need more ammo. So how about this?

And this is my final offer ... We will take your No. 5 pick. We will take your No. 18 pick. And you will give us your two second-round picks and Xavien Howard.

Fake Chris Grier: Right. That’s a very unpalatable counteroffer. I appreciate that. So, I don’t know what the draft value chart says but it probably says you’re fleecing me. I can’t really do that. Because we [stink]. You know we [stink]. And we need to draft to get better.

Fake Mike Brown: We [stink] worse. We were the worst team in the NFL last year.

Fake Chris Grier: And yet you almost beat us. I’d say to you that the second-rounders are where we are going to have to do our work in this draft. So how about we do throw in DeVante Parker.

Fake Mike Brown: Hmmm. So what is your offer then?

Fake Chris Grier: So I’m offering you the No. 5 overall pick this year, the No. 18 overall pick this year. Yummy, right?!?! Pro Bowl cornerback Xavien Howard, and I’ll send you the Instagram post of how he’s lifting weights and is healthy. And you also get 1,000-yard receiver DeVante Parker.

Fake Mike Brown: So two firsts, no seconds, but two top-flight starters including a Pro Bowl cornerback in 2018.

Editor’s note: The Cincinnati Bengals cut cornerback Dre Kirkpatrick, a former first-round selection, on Tuesday. Howard is a significant upgrade if healthy.

Fake Chris Grier: And a Pro Bowl potential receiver, yes.

Editor’s note: The 2020 draft is jam-packed with wide receiver talent. Fake Chris Grier could easily find an outstanding wide receiver in the second round. Or probably even in the third round. Because Fake Chris Grier is really good at this GM thing.

Fake Mike Brown: I think we have a deal. I think I can sell that to my head coach who, you know him, he was down there.

Fake Chris Grier: Yes, we fired him. It was good.

Fake Mike Brown: We will get it done but with the fifth pick, with the 18th pick, with Xavien Howard and DeVante Parker, we have a team that can compete in the AFC North. Let’s get this deal done.

Editor’s note: Trading Xavien Howard with a post-June 1 trade designation would save the Dolphins $11.9 million in cap space this season and over $12 million in the four seasons after that, according to overthecap while leaving $1.4 million in dead money in 2020 and $4.2 million in 2021, according to Spotrac.

Trading Parker would be a painful cap move. It potentially leaves $10.8 million in dead money and more in future years.

Fake Chris Grier: That’s great, Mike. So I have your permission to announce this trade in the Miami Herald on Wednesday morning?

Fake Mike Brown: You do. That newspaper has great NFL coverage.