Talk about a crappy date.
Liam Smyth, from Bristol, England, was on a date at Nandos with an unnamed woman he met on Tinder when the pair decided to go back to his place for a nightcap.
"We had a lovely evening, and enjoyed each others company very much," Smyth wrote on his GoFundMe page. "After our meal, we repaired back to my house for a bottle of wine and a scientology doccumentary (sic)."
All seemed to be going along just fine until Smyth's date decided to use his bathroom.
"About an hour in to Louis Theroux and chill, my date got up to use the toilet. She returned with a panicked look in her eye, and told me she had something to tell me," he wrote.
"'I went for a poo in your toilet,' she told me 'and it would not flush. I don't know why I did this, but I panicked,' she continued. 'I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window.'"
Sadly for the young woman, Smyth says the toilet window does not open to the garden, "but instead into a narrow gap of about a foot and a half, seperated from the outside world by another (non-opening) double glazed window."
"It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo."
He shared the following photos to demonstrate the stinky situation:
Smyth says he imagined that the only solution to their predicament was to grab a hammer and smash the window open.
However, his date had a different idea -- and that's when sh*t quite literally hit the fan:
Being an amateur gymnast, she was convinced that she could reach into the window and pull the poo out, using the tried and tested "inside out blag as glove" technique. Unfortunately she couldn't reach. She climbed further in and had the same problem. Eventually I agreed to give her a boost up and into the window. She climbed in head first after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came. She called out to me to help her climb out from the window, I grabbed her waist and I pulled. But she was stuck. Stuck fast. Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window. She was stuck fast, upside down in the gap.
Eventually, after his date spent about 15 minutes stuck upside down in the window, Smyth ended up calling local firefighters to rescue her.
"Bristol's finest were on scene sirens blairing in a matter of minutes (sic)," he wrote. "Once they had composed themselves after surveying the scene in front of them, they set to work removing my date from the window using all of their special firemen hammers and tools. It took them about 15 minutes."
Although Smyth's date escaped the situation with all but her ego unharmed, his apartment wasn't so lucky.
"Unfortunately, although they rescued my date unharmed from what must have been a rather unpleasant confined space to find yourself in, in the process they had to completely destroy the window with their special fire tools,"
he wrote. "I'm not complaining, they did what they had to do. Problem is, I've been quoted north of £300 to replace the window. As a postgraduate student, that is a significant chunk of my monthly budget (in fact, that is my monthly budget)."
Thankfully, the good netizens of the world have already banded together and helped Smyth raise a whopping £845 of his £200 goal.
Maybe he can use the excess funds to pay for a premium dating app and leave his Tinder days in the past.