I’m Letting My Divorced Parents Pick My Husband
Last winter, I was at a bar with my friends watching the Panthers game when this guy came up to me.
“Hey, you’re Bethany,” he said. I realized he was the cute guy I’d been messaging with on Tinder. We’d been talking back and forth for a few weeks, but had never made firm plans to get together. Now that we were meeting in person, it was clear we had a real connection, so we made plans to go out.
Over the next few weeks, we went on eight or nine dates - way more than most of my Tinder matches lead to. It seemed like this actually had potential to lead to a relationship.
Then, the other shoe dropped when I ran into my new guy’s buddy out one night. I asked if the guy was heading out, too, when his friend informed me, “Yeah, he’s actually on his way here with his girlfriend.”
“What? He has a girlfriend?” I asked. How could he have a girlfriend? I’d been over to his house, and it’s not like there were any photos of him with another girl or anything. How could he have kept that a secret this whole time?
“Yeah, he’s been with her for about 2 1/2 years,” the friend responded.
That was it. I was so incredibly fed up with meeting guys online or out at the bar. I felt like I could never tell who the guy really was or how serious he was about being in a relationship.
At 24 years old, I have a career as a fifth-grade teacher, which I love, and a great group of friends. The only thing missing is a partner to share it all with - and so I decided to take a chance and try something totally crazy to meet my spouse.
I’m letting my mom and dad - who split when I was 5 years old - pick my husband.
I know it sounds a little crazy. What do my divorced parents know about finding lasting love? But the two of them know me better than anyone else and, at this point, I’m ready to take a chance because, clearly, what I’ve been doing isn’t work for me.
This whole thing was actually my sister’s idea. She called me right after I found out the guy I’d been seeing had a long-term girlfriend and said she had a plan to find me a husband.
“Have you seen that TLC show Married by Mom and Dad?" she asked. I hadn’t.
She explained it’s a reality series in which parents set up their kids and that the couple doesn’t even meet until they’re at the altar.
“You are insane,” I said. She responded, “Too late, I just signed you up.”
I didn’t think much of it, because I figured the show would never pick me. But a couple months later, I got a call to audition for the show. I figured I would at least go to the audition and give it a chance. In the meantime, I started dating another guy. But it didn’t take long to realize he wasn’t the right one for me either - I’m outgoing, and he is the quiet, stay-at-home type. We broke up on July 4, and on July 10, I found out I’d been chosen for the show.
What did I have to lose?
When I told my mom about the plan, she was completely on board with the whole thing.
“Finally!” she said. “I’ve been trying to get you to let me set you up for years!”
That was true - but my mom trying to set me up on her own didn’t work either. She was constantly embarrassing me, trying to match me up with single guys she met everywhere from church to Chick-Fil-A.
My mom picked nice guys, but she didn’t have the right filter to weed out guys who were a little weird or creepy. My dad, however, would be the perfect one to filter out duds. He’s been divorced five times, so, at this point, he definitely knows what doesn’t work in a relationship.
My dad was more skeptical when I told him about the show. He wasn’t so sure about being on TV but finally decided it’d be worth it to find me a great guy.
I didn’t give my parents many guidelines. I just told them I wanted a college-educated guy with a nice smile. I didn’t want someone who works in the food industry - because, with my schedule, I’d never see him - and I wasn’t interested in dating another teacher, because then we’d just talk about work all the time. Other than that, I left it up to them.
Even though my parents are divorced, I went into this experiment with the mind-set that divorce is not an option. I'm looking for a partner for life and I'm jumping in with both feet. I know people have a lot of preconceived notions about reality TV being fake, but the whole premise of this show is that it ends in marriage - so this is dead real to me. My biggest fear going into it was that the person my parents found wouldn't be in it for the right reasons - to find a soul mate and not to just be on TV. And I was also horrified that I’d show up and the guy would flake out at the altar.
I can’t say too much about how it all turned out, but I will say that the whole experience has been great, and I wouldn’t have changed anything about the whole process.
I know leaving your choice of spouse up to your parents sounds very old-fashioned these days, but I would highly recommend giving it a shot. In the superficial world online dating and hookups, why not leave it up to the ones who know you best?
Married by Mom and Dad airs Sunday nights at 10 on TLC.
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