Lori Falce: Men growling over bear question are missing the point
May 3—There is a question that is dividing the internet, and it has nothing to do with anyone running for office.
It's a gut feeling kind of question. The idea is this: Ask a woman if she would rather be in the woods confronted by a bear or a man.
At first blush, it might seem ridiculous. A bear is a predator, a carnivorous animal with sharp teeth and claws. You can't reason with a bear. You can't appeal to its better nature. It is nature for the bear to see you as prey.
So that makes the man the safe option, right?
That's where the problem comes in. Many men online are grappling with the reality that a large number of women are choosing the bear.
"Let's characterize all men as savage bears or worse!" one male raged on TikTok.
He is not alone. Plenty of guys are offended about the analogy and the answers women are giving.
Those answers include a lot of facts painting bears in a good light. In 2023, there was one fatal bear attack in the U.S. In 2022, there were 4,251 women killed in the U.S. Yes, there's a statistical lag there, probably because it doesn't take long to count that one bear attack compared to the 14,441 homicides the FBI had to count.
The vast majority of the murderers were men. But not only were men more likely to kill women (98%), it was men the women knew. Seventy-six percent of murdered women were killed by someone they knew, with 34% by an intimate partner.
That means women are, on paper, safer with a bear they have never met.
Those statistics are upsetting, but men on the internet shouldn't be upset about women recognizing that fact. They should be angry about the men who are making those statistics real.
But for many of the women, being killed isn't the issue. Women are making videos about the question, and they cite other problems, much of it about rape, sexual harassment and post-assault victim blaming. There are 433,648 sexual assaults in the U.S. in an average year, according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics. One in six American women has been a victim.
"No one will say I liked the bear attack," the women say on the videos.
"The bear won't say I asked for it."
"The bear won't tell his friends."
But there is one more category of video on the topic. Women are asking their partners the man versus bear question — but asking it about their children. Which would they rather their daughters encounter?
In several videos, you can see the question go from being a party game or a thought experiment to a reality.
"Is it a friendly bear? Is it a friendly man? Oh, no, that's worse," one man said.
Let's be clear, while bears are not as dangerous as a movie like "Cocaine Bear" would have you believe, they are wildlife and they will defend themselves violently and can attack with force. Lee Ann Galante of Butler Township can attest to that. She was attacked by a black bear in her own backyard in March, one of the few attacks Pennsylvania sees every year.
The lesson of the man versus bear question is not to make men feel bad. It's not to make bears seem tame.
What it illustrates is a simple reality: Women don't have to stray from the path in the woods to have a violent encounter. Statistically, historically, it can find them much closer to home.
And getting angry about that reality doesn't make it better.
Lori Falce is the Tribune-Review community engagement editor and an opinion columnist. For more than 30 years, she has covered Pennsylvania politics, Penn State, crime and communities. She joined the Trib in 2018. She can be reached at lfalce@triblive.com.
