Our holiday gift guide has you covered if you're looking for the useful, the practical, and the helpful from the best giveable tech of 2013.
But what if you're looking for something weird, joyous and irresistibly absurd?
Well: This list ought to do the trick. In fact, it might even inspire you to blow of Christmas altogether and just get all this awesome stuff for yourself!
On to the list.
1. Custom Video Game Covers
Let your gamer friends know that their favorite pastime strikes you as childish and vaguely shameful with these classy-looking inserts that make even the most crass first-person shooter look like highbrow literature.
2. Magic High-tech Multi-Purpose Cleaning Compound Gum Super Clean Slimy Gel
Aside from having the coolest product name ever, this weird flexi-goo is meant to be mushed into your computer keyboard to extract dust and crumbs and the like. So it’s a perfect way to tell that special someone, “You’re a slob, and your laptop disgusts me."
3. Buy Nothing Day T-Shirt
Here’s the perfect thing for your favorite clueless hypocrite who rails against the commercialization of the holidays but still expects a gift. (The now-improper date comes at no extra charge.)
4. Gorgeous Protractor and Ruler Set
For “the mathematics aficionado and precision draughtsman”: A set of officeware made from etched sheet brass. And really, who wouldn’t enjoy a fancy protractor?
5. Mummy Wrap Headphone Cord
I could have made the entire list consist of nothing but things that look like other things, but I forced myself to choose just one. This is a nice example of the form: it’s not just a cheap visual gag, it’s genuinely practical (and a cheap visual gag).
6. High-Tech Barcode Socks
Could there be a worse gift than socks? Maybe the promise of socks arriving weeks from now? But surely these high tech socks will be worth the wait! XOAB raised nearly $100,000 on Kickstarter to manufacture colorful socks with algorithm-guided patterns and a "textile barcode” that I don’t actually understand but will surely impress whoever it is that sees your socks! They ship in January.
7. iPhone Stand Used In Noteworthy Hoax
Do you know an iPhone freak? The kind of person who obsesses over every new model for months before its release? He (I’m guessing it’s a he) will experience a thrill of recognition from this iPhone holder used in a widely seen set of alleged iPhone 5S leaked photos.
8. Real-Life Fail Button
Trolls, obviously, are hard to please. But surely even your most obnoxious pal will appreciate the ability to mock and criticize the shortcomings of others not just online, but IRL.
9. Cardboard Surveillance Camera
Here’s a neat idea to contemplate this holiday season: The burgeoning surveillance state! Your paranoid loved ones will surely enjoy being reminded that someone is watching year-round, and it’s not Santa.
10. Obama Google Glass PRISM Mask
Should you have lots of paranoid loved ones, and a limited budget, you might also resort to this download-and-print-it-yourself wearable tribute to high-tech spying from Aram Bartholl.
11. George Takei-themed "Eau My" Cologne
The Internet moves in mysterious ways, and that’s why George Takei is a social media superstar. The absolute weirdest person on your gift list ought to appreciate this Takei … fragrance, named after his increasingly ubiquitous catchphrase.
12. Polaroll Toilet Paper Roll Holder
The gadget nostalgist in your life may interpret this gift as vaguely insulting — but it’s worth the risk. Shake it like a Polaroid picture?
13. Strange, Beautiful Smartphone Speaker
Perhaps you’d like to get something for me, to thank me for all these great tips? I have no idea if this “speaker for smartphones” really works, but I’d love to find out. This mistifying, beautiful amplifier definitely won’t arrive in time for Christmas, but I don’t mind waiting.
14. Lovely Underwear Swimming Pants Decoration for iPhone.
Panties, for your iPhone. Really, you shouldn’t buy this. For anyone.