Ky’s Republican legislators want to rewrite history to keep schools safe from reality
Good morning, class! I’m your new social studies teacher. I’m here because your old social studies teacher quit after the Kentucky General Assembly passed a law to restore traditional ideas and conservative values to the study of history and current events. Our legislators don’t want you or your parents to be upset by anything you read or hear in school, especially if you’re from a family that votes Republican.
They have written a new social studies curriculum for us to use. Now, like your parents, legislators aren’t history or education experts, but experts just make things complicated. If you memorize everything in the curriculum and don’t ask questions, you’ll do just fine in class. So let’s get started.
Today I’m going to talk about our perfect nation’s history since the Civil War. This war happened a long time ago and isn’t relevant to anything today, except for the statues of patriotic heroes some people want to tear down. Here’s what happened: liberals attacked Kentucky and other conservative states and made all the dark-skinned helpers leave our farms, homes and factories. That was a shame, because the helpers were happy and their work was good for the economy.
You may have heard some people were mean to their helpers. Let me assure you that most helpers were treated very well, especially in Kentucky. You will learn more about how happy those helpers were when you go to music class and sing traditional songs by a man named Stephen Foster. One of them is Kentucky’s official state song. It has a beautiful melody! Just don’t think too hard about the words.
Now, some people have called those helpers slaves. While that was technically correct, you should understand that most masters treated their helpers like family. Even so, it’s important to remember that slavery was always contrary to American values, even if it was legal for 246 years.
Our Founding Fathers, who were perfect men, signed a document in 1776 called the Declaration of Independence. It clearly stated that “all men are created equal” and are entitled by God to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” The Founding Fathers meant exactly what they wrote, even if they owned helpers themselves. But here’s the main thing you need to know about slavery: it happened a long time ago and isn’t relevant to anything today. We all should forget about it and move on.
After the Civil War, our leaders agreed it was best for everyone to hang out only with people of their own skin color. Everyone liked things that way, until liberals caused trouble again. Black people started complaining that they were treated unfairly by white people, the government and even private businesses, which we all know should be able to do whatever they want.
When your grandparents were young, there was a Black minister named Martin Luther King. He had a dream and said people should be judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. He was right, of course, and everyone agreed with him. Well, except for the man who shot him. But never mind that; it isn’t relevant to anything today.
The important thing to remember about Martin Luther King’s time is that civil rights laws were passed and they ended racism. If people aren’t successful today, it’s because they don’t work hard enough. Now, you may hear outside this class that some people, institutions and systems are still racist. But as our new curriculum clearly explains, that is fake news. We are all equal now!
So, in summary, while there may have been some racism in the past, it was over a long time ago. Racism has nothing to do with anything happening today. Our patriotic legislators are sure of that, and you should be sure of it, too. Thank you for your attention, and for not asking questions. I could get in big trouble if I tried to answer questions. Class dismissed!
Tom Eblen is a former Herald-Leader columnist and managing editor.
