Jon Stewart Will Give Up His Big Gulp When You Pry It From His Cold, Fat Hand

Yesterday, the Daily Show host put aside national politics to to adress a much more pressing issue. Soda and most other sugary drinks, as you might have read, will only be served up in portions of 16 oz. or smaller in New York if Mayor Michael Bloomberg has his way, and Jon Stewart is not pleased. "I love this idea you have, of banning sodas larger than 16 oz. It combines the draconian government overreach people love with the probable lack of results they expect." Isn't it a New York tradition to make yourself grossly obese, he argues? Otherwise, the Carnegie Deli would go out of business. 

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Jon Stewart says we should have expected this. The native New Yorker remembers a hellhole Times Square full of porn and prostitutes... that's since been occupied by M&M Stores and Olive Gardens, so no wonder the city is fat. But remembering the '70s brings Stewart to a novel solution for obesity: reintroducing crack.

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