Jersey Shore is officially over. Not like no-longer-trendy over, but actually done. As Variety's Stuart Levine reports, MTV is ending the show after its sixth season, but that doesn't mean we'll lose out on shows that glorify embarrassing ethnic stereotypes.
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Snooki, The Situation, and their cohort did more than teach America to fist-pump since the show debuted in 2009. They also made a lot of money for MTV, and producers have been trying to replicate Jersey Shore's success. Alas, most have failed, obviously proving that you can't reproduce genius.
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Below, a rundown of all the wannabes:
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- The Pregnant Lady Jersey Shore: We're a little unsure of how all the Jersey Shore's drinking will translate here, but Pregzillas is being cast by the same people who discovered Snooki. "Let's face it," the casting website says, "you're never going to have a better excuse to act up, diva out, regress to childhood, and take command as a queen!" Fist Pumps: 2 out of 5. Up votes for the prospect of watching horrifying people reproduce, thus inducing feelings similar to watching Snooki's pregnancy; down votes for those poor, poor unborn babies.
- The Russian Jersey Shore: Lifetime aired a few episodes of Russian Dolls, a show following Russians in Brooklyn. Before it was released, the producer promised, "plenty of vodka, techno music and guys wearing Adidas pants, leather jackets and gold chains, and driving souped-up cars. There will also be a lot of hot, decked-out Russian girls." It was cancelled last fall when ratings were bad, but you can still watch episodes online. Fist Pumps: 1 of 5. It's more Real Housewives than Jersey Shore, Michael Idov wrote on Vulture.com. "Russian Dolls is a wan thing done wanly."
- The British Jersey Shore: Geordie Shore debuted last spring and follows "Geordies," or people who live on the Tyneside region of Northeast England. Like with regular Jersey Shore, they drink and party and cheat, etc. It is MTV UK's best show in history, according to TV By the Numbers. Fist Pumps: 4 out 5. It's got all the factors, but nothing compares to the original. In 2011, Alyssa Rosenberg wrote for The Atlantic: "The Geordie Shore crew doesn’t seem to have figured out how to live as cartoon characters as easily as their American predecessors."
- The Asian Jersey Shore(s): K-Town was billed as the Asian Jersey Shore but never made it to networks. That didn't stop the producers from putting all the episodes on YouTube. The eight cast members all live in Los Angeles' Korea Town, and the show runner said they were "pioneers" in changing the way Asians are represented. Now, they're casting for Vietnamese, Chinese, and Filipino versions of the show, too. Nothing says equality like: "Hey, we're trashy too!" Fist Pumps: 2 out of 5. One reviewer's reaction to episode 1: "zzZzZzzzz"
- The Persian Jersey Shore: No lesser a luminary than Ryan Seacrest produced Bravo's The Shahs of Sunset, about rich Iranians in Los Angeles. Women beat each other up in high-end restaurants and sell a lot of real estate. The show was actually renewed for a second season after its finale got high ratings. Fist Pumps: 2 out of 5. Again, this seems to be more like Real Housewives than Jersey Shore, since the cast is older and has a socialite feel. The show is "so dull," said Linda Stasi wrote in The New York Post, "it makes Russian Dolls look exciting."
So, goodbye, Jersey Shore. Nothing will ever shine like you.