I'm Scared to Have Kids Now That Trump Is President

From Redbook

I consider myself to be a politically aware person. Yes, I've been very fortunate - for most of my life, race issues only affected me indirectly (or let's be real, directly benefitted me). But I've always tried to educate myself, seek out minority voices, and listen very carefully to people who experience discrimination. Still, it wasn't until I married Carlos, a legal immigrant from Chile, that it hit close to home. Because while being an international couple with different backgrounds has brought a lot of richness to our lives, it has also presented extra challenges. Challenges that I fear are only going to be exacerbated now that President-elect Donald Trump has been sworn into office.

The biggest concern that's been weighing on me is deciding when we're going to have children, and where we'll raise them. Carlos and I have lived together in both the United States and Chile for extended periods of time, so we're fortunate because we've been able to experience what day-to-day life might be like for our kids in either country. And about two years ago, we made a five-year plan for when we would roughly start trying to have children. Which means we have about three years left. If we stick to that timeline, Trump will still be president.

Most people in the U.S. would consider Carlos to be Latino, and it breaks my heart that someone might look at him and assume that he is dangerous or involved in criminal activities based on his name or skin, simply because of the egregious things Trump has said about Latinos. The truth is that he is super nerdy, he's a stellar software developer who loves video games, and he's one of the sweetest, most humble humans I have ever met. He is respectful and diplomatic - seriously, moms love him - and in our years of marriage, I've only ever heard him yell during soccer games. Basically, he's the exact opposite of Trump's abhorrent claims.

But Trump was elected President. And the fact that enough people voted to put him in the highest office in this country - even after these remarks - makes me worried about my children and husband being made to feel like they don't belong. Our children should feel safe in their own country. But when someone says racist things at the highest level of government, I believe that it enables and emboldens racism among the nation. Hearing the President-elect say racist things normalizes racism itself, and it sends the message to both kids and adults that it's OK to judge people based on stereotypes. It can influence people to believe that discrimination is justified, when it, of course, is not.

It's not just the grand, overarching things that I'm worried about either (like having enough economic opportunity, or being stopped and asked to show papers). Racism seeps into day-to-day activities. All kids get teased when they're in school, but there's a big difference between being picked on for having glasses and being teased about your race when you come from a marginalized population. Teachers may assume my kids aren't as smart as their lighter-skinned peers, or they may even discourage them from pursuing certain professions. And what about when they walk or take the bus home from school? Will they feel unwelcome in a neighborhood, or have to grow up hearing adults make racist comments about them? I've seen so many reports of an uptick in racists lashing out since Trump's election coming from all corners of the country - big cities and small rural towns alike.

Now, I know that racism existed in this country before Trump entered the presidential race. I'm not blaming all of this on him. But during the election, racists and misogynists gained a platform and their message was magnified, echoed, and supported. White supremacists have been put in place to direct policy. And mechanisms that have been instituted to disempower minorities will likely be maintained or enhanced.

Maybe people who voted for Trump think they can support him without backing the racist ideals that he's promoted. I know that not every person who voted for him is a racist. And I know a vote can say a lot of things. It can say that you're unhappy with the political establishments, that you hated Hillary's policies and scandals, or that you think Trump will improve your economic situation. But whatever that Trump vote said for you, it also said something else very loud and clear to me: "I don't care if Elizabeth and Carlos' family faces discrimination or feels unsafe."

Sadly, though, racism isn't the only reason I'm scared. Trump has asked Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., a man who falsely believes there's a direct link between autism and vaccines, to run a commission on vaccine safety and scientific integrity. This could potentially change access to vaccines that save children's lives - and that is a horrifying, dangerous possibility. My younger sister had a lot of health issues growing up, and viruses like the flu - which me and my other healthy sister were able to quickly recover from - often landed her in the hospital fighting for her life. We all benefit from herd immunity, but for her it was a matter of life and death. My generation has been really lucky because we haven't seen firsthand the devastating effects of diseases like polio, measles, and meningitis. To take that reassurance away feels careless, irresponsible and, at the end of the day, deadly. And my children would be the ones to suffer.

As Trump announces new people for his cabinet, more red flags start to rise. I bristle at Jeff Sessions' support of civil forfeiture laws and his views on civil rights. Steve Bannon as Chief Strategist makes me worried that raising a child of any gender or race is a bad idea. And I'm disappointed that Betsy DeVos is even being considered, given her complete lack of experience that I think is necessary to fill the role of Secretary of Education (she isn't even knowledgeable about basic education theory, which are things that first-year teachers in New York State have to know before completing their certifications.) Not to mention the fact the she refuses to directly oppose guns in school. The thought of sending our kids to school in the U.S., where shootings keep happening at an alarming rate, is terrifying - and would be even more so if she's the one in charge. I wouldn't be surprised if many American parents (and potential parents) feel the same way.

At the end of the day, I don't think we have much choice but to believe that Trump (and his cabinet) means what he says. Some may hope that his incendiary rhetoric was used just to get elected, and his decisions will actually be more moderate. But it looks like he's chosen people who are equally as incendiary to lead the country, and he's not "draining the swamp" like he said he would.

All of this makes it less likely that Carlos and I will have a family in the U.S. We're fortunate enough that leaving is an option for us because of his citizenship (usually getting a residency visa to live abroad can be a serious challenge), but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed that we have to take it so seriously. Because living in a country that suffered a modern dictatorship and having seen firsthand what it can do to its people is terrifying. Augusto Pinochet was the Chilean dictator until 1990 (his rise to power was supported by the United States, by the way), and the things that happened to some of the political exiles who didn't flee the country brings me to tears. Women suspected of dissent were electrocuted on their breasts and vaginas. People were tied to metal bed frames that coursed with electrical currents, burned with cattle prods, and humiliated in awful ways. Once they were killed, their bodies were flown out and dropped into the sea, leaving their families without answers. It was horrific, and only state-approved media that published what the dictatorship wanted was allowed.

I'd like to hope that would never happen here, but if I'm going to make a comparison to what's happening right now, this constant attack President-elect Trump is making about "fake news" and publicly shaming anyone that he doesn't like is the first step in the same direction. To Carlos, myself, and many of Carlos' family members, Trump becoming a leader who uses his power to persecute those who disagree with or displease him doesn't seem like a remote possibility, but rather a plausible outcome. And it's made all of us seriously nervous about how he will use the power of the presidency.

I really hate thinking that, if we were to stay in the U.S., my children might be told that they deserve to be deported, that they don't belong here, or that they might be automatically viewed as less competent, knowledgeable, and decent for all the reasons I've mentioned above. They don't deserve it. Not because their kind, brilliant father happened to have thick black hair and perfect sun-kissed skin. This country should belong to my children as much as its whitest citizens. They should be presented with the same opportunities and safety. So I'll speak up and advocate for them as much as I can, and raise my voice until things change. Because no matter when - or where - I decide to have children, all children in the U.S. should feel safe, protected, and cared for.

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