These human turkeys can roam prison-free thanks to Trump
Conservationists, relax. President Trump should be lauded for all of the work he's done to protect America's vulnerable human turkeys.
On Tuesday, the president will pardon some elitist poultry for the White House's annual turkey pardon ceremony. Far too little attention, however, has been given to the actual human turkeys Trump has pardoned throughout his first year in office.
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Both venal and dumb, human turkeys are one of the most at-risk turkey species in America. Few people are willing to come to the defense of human turkeys outside of some well-paid lawyers, and even then, meh.
Not our Trump. Here are just a few of the human turkeys Trump has pardoned, legally or otherwise, while in Washington.
1. Jared "No Meat On These Bones" Kushner
Image: Getty Images/Tetra images RF/ambar del moral/mashable composite
2. Vladimir "Gobble Gobbled Up America" Putin
Image: Getty Images/Tetra images RF/ambar del moral/mashable
3. Michael "Wild Turkey" Flynn
Image: Getty Images/Tetra images RF/ambar del moral/mashable
4. Bill "Stick A Fork In Me, I'm Done" O'Reilly
Image: Getty Images/Tetra images RF/ambar del moral/mashable composite
5. Steve "I Only Like White Meat" Bannon
Image: Getty Images/Tetra images RF/ambar del moral/mashable composite
6. Sheriff "Carve Me A Spot In Your Administration" Arpaio
Image: Getty Images/Tetra images RF/ambar del moral/mashable composite
No matter how many turkeys we slaughter this year, these human turkeys will always roam cage and prison-free.
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