The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week
Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Just asked my 7 y.o. if I could be the person who chooses the hangman word and she said, “no. You already had your childhood.”
— Dan Goor (@djgoor) October 22, 2018
On Mondays, I have a kitchen table.
With each passing day, that kitchen table morphs into a filing cabinet, laundry basket, kids’ art gallery, school form graveyard, backpack holder, and garbage can.
This fuels my weekend rage-cleaning fury to restore my Monday kitchen table.— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) October 22, 2018
It was the best of times, it was the accidentally-pushed-the-elevator-button-before-offering-to-let-your-toddler-push-it of times.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 22, 2018
There’s nothing like waking up on Sunday morning, drinking your coffee & listening to your kid yell at Fortnite in the background.
This is peace & quiet now.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 21, 2018
This morning my toddler requested a “breakfast cookie.” Of course I shunned the idea publicly and then ate a cookie as soon she wasn’t looking.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 21, 2018
6yo: I like my hair short and long. I want my hair to be short and long at the same time.
Me: *shows her a picture of a mullet*
6yo: Oh no.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 20, 2018
Apparently it’s "against church policy" to drop your kids off in the nursery and then go to brunch.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 21, 2018
Knowing your kids will come downstairs after bedtime is like waiting for the encore of a really shitty band like, “Oooh, I wonder if they’re gonna do ‘I need water’ or ‘I’m too hot’?”
— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 23, 2018
As a kid I thought my mom was so dramatic because she never let us sit on the couch until it was upholstered in plastic but now that I have three kids I’m like “Wow, I get it and I’m gonna make plastic on furniture a thing again.”
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) October 23, 2018
My 4-year-old called ice cubes "water bricks," and now I'll never call them anything else.
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" comes out in 12 days (@XplodingUnicorn) October 26, 2018
A panic room, but for quickly shoveling all my family’s clutter into when guests stop by unexpectedly.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) October 23, 2018
2yr old: I have to go potty.
Me: (staring at soaking wet pants) Really? So soon after just going in your pants?— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) October 23, 2018
A fun thing about being a parent is trying to downplay your sleep needs to yourself like ‘I slept in for 30 minutes 6 days ago; I should be fine right now.’
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) October 25, 2018
8: I wish you could homeschool me
Me: Aww, how sweet, you’d really want me to be your teach-
8: That way like instead of doing work, I could just play baseball in the backyard and you could clean and stuff.
Me: Ah look, the bus.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 22, 2018
My daughter has been asking for more independence lately so this morning I took her out for breakfast and asked for separate checks.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 21, 2018
Things drunk me has in common with my toddler:
- can’t drive
- doesn’t know what day it is
- refuses to put on pants
- won’t shut up about dinosaurs— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 26, 2018
I just got out of the shower and my baby started screaming. I was confused until I realized he probably doesn’t recognize me with clean hair.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) October 24, 2018
"Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it" should be the slogan for parents of multiple kids.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) October 25, 2018
[Son's 1st day of school]
Me: Did you make any friends today?
Son: Yes!
Me: *kneels down next to him* how do you do that?— The Dad (@thedad) October 22, 2018
Doctor: *handing me my baby* congratulations, she’s all yours
Me: I just take her home now? with no experience or guidance or certainty that I’m fit for the job?
Doctor: yep! LOL!— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) October 26, 2018
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This article originally appeared on HuffPost.