The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Mar. 2-8)
Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humor lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
What is the most backhanded parenting compliment you ever received? Mine was “awww I love that they will sit and watch TV! I wish my kids would do that. I am desperate for a break. But they have never even seen a screen, they wouldn’t know what to do with one!”
— girl fieri (@realgirl_fieri) March 4, 2024
See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) March 7, 2024
Today my kid pointed to this thing and said “dada!” Don’t think I’ll ever recover from this one pic.twitter.com/PBRezk88Np
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) March 4, 2024
waiter: "anything to drink?"
4 year old: "my mom needs a fucking margarita"
So, yeah, they're always listening.— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 6, 2024
My 14 YO lmk that all she wants for her bday is for me to take her & 3 friends for a weekend in an airbnb w/ a hot tub in the mountains w/ for 2 nights. She only wants to order dinner 2 nights & for me to bring our gel nail manicure stuff so I can do all their nails. That’s all.
— Irreverent Reverend ✊🏼🙏🏼 (@TheAmberPicota) March 4, 2024
My 2 yo was sleeping and her bonnet was looking lumpy. I investigated and she had a tangerine hidden in her bonnet. pic.twitter.com/94xJ0gbuWE
— Princess (@themultiplemom) March 6, 2024
My daughter, who fights me to do her hair every morning, said she wished there was a hole you could stick your hair into and someone magically makes you a ponytail every day.
A glory hole for hair.— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) March 4, 2024
My 6yo told me he was making bookmarks, and I didn't realize that involved eating chocolates so he could use the wrappers, but now I think he's onto something
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 6, 2024
"Since you're DIVORCED and don't have a BOYFRIEND you should get married to _______'s dad so me and ________ can be sisters"
- my 6yo introducing me to her friend's dad at school drop off pic.twitter.com/asHL3MF02L— star•gyal (@beequammie) March 6, 2024
The old lady ringing me up at the store got frustrated w/ the barcode on my cheese not working so she just gave it to me for free…she is now sole beneficiary of my Will
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) March 6, 2024
I really enjoy bringing my kid to sports practices. It's fun to watch somebody else yell his name and be totally ignored for a change.
— Blue Berrymore (@BerrymoreBlue) March 5, 2024
Toddlers are trying to kill themselves and everything else. Including you. Newborns just want to eat and have dry butts. https://t.co/FmXT4L49hJ
— Mikki Kendall (@Karnythia) March 6, 2024
Not me lying here scrolling my phone, unable to fall asleep after lecturing my kid that she can’t be on screens before bedtime or she’ll never fall asleep
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 6, 2024
Three teenage girls outside the chemist discussing if they really had to get one of them the morning after pill. I consider asking them if they want me to, but decide it’s an overstep. Then toddler has a nice big tantrum and they decide it’s not worth the risk, in they go.
— Rebecca Reid (@RebeccaCNReid) March 4, 2024
As a parent, nothing prepares you for that first time your potty-training toddler declares “I want to do it myself” and sits down naked on the floor of a 7/11 bathroom to put their pants on.
— Upside Dad (@UpsideDad) March 4, 2024
No one:
Absolutely no one:
No one at all:
My 3yo: "Mommy! Let's make bewieve. You be a whale, and I will be a car who is NOT OBEYING THE SPEED LIMIT!"— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) March 4, 2024
My kids always want cheeseburgers at dinner. Tonight we made cheeseburgers. They did not want cheeseburgers. Screw kids dude.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 5, 2024
A thing about me: I don't need any Girl Scout Cookies, but if a 9-year-old knocks on my door all by herself, with her dad waiting back at the sidewalk with a wagon, and braves her pitch through her fear...
well, we have some Thin Mints now, is what I'm saying.— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) March 5, 2024
My daughter brought a giant stack of plates and cups out of her room, saw that I was annoyed, and said “should we just throw these away?”
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) March 6, 2024
Every night my kids play this fun game called who will go to urgent care before bedtime.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) March 6, 2024
"HAM-nesia! I have HAM-nesia cuz I forgot how much I love ham!" my 7yo declared and now I desperately want to work "hamnesia" into regular conversation
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) March 5, 2024
Me: goodnight, stop procrastinating
8yo: what’s procrastinating?
Me: stalling
8yo: what’s stalling?
Me: it’s when you—oh you’re good— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) March 7, 2024
My job as a father is to purchase a broken old car, put it into my garage, and force my children to deal with it when I die.
— Adam (@YSylon) March 4, 2024
mom! It's spirit week and each day we dress in a diff-
me: You can do pajama day— Midge (@mxmclain) March 7, 2024