The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week
Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Welcome to parenthood. You now go through 15 loaves of bread per day
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) September 11, 2017
Almost everything in parenthood is way easier said than done.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) September 10, 2017
If you're going to get a puppy to practice raising kids, you need to get like 50 of them.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 11, 2017
Just completed a study and found that 56% of my time at restaurants is spent taking my kids on field trips to the bathroom.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) September 11, 2017
Pro tip:
Ordering an "artisan" pizza makes you feel young & trendy again while watching Boss Baby with your kids for the 800th time.— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) September 14, 2017
My 3-year-old is pretending to read.
She's saying the words to "Going on a Bear Hunt."
But she's holding "The Berenstain Bears."
Awkward.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 13, 2017
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was to convince parents that a Hamper Hoop would get their kids to put dirty clothes in the laundry
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) September 13, 2017
Have kids so you can listen to miniature versions of yourself cry because you cut up a pancake instead of leaving it big.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 12, 2017
Forgot to mute my phone while on a conference call with my kids home and my boss gave me 3 extra weeks of vacation.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) September 13, 2017
I was trying to kill gnats in the bathroom and my kids thought I was just in there clapping for myself. I didn't bother to correct them.
— HammBone (@hammbone84) September 12, 2017
Have two kids so when one is asleep you can be awake entertaining the other one.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) September 12, 2017
My 2.5 y/o son has announced that he too, has a baby in his belly, named Eric, and Eric will be born on Friday, & he will sleep in his bed.
— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) September 12, 2017
The universal sign of a parent's car:
Gold Fish crackers or Cheerios everywhere.— Jacques Nyemb (@jnyemb) September 12, 2017
Me: Can you please go get your brother for dinner?
Daughter: [Gets up, walks into room, stands next to me, screams his name] TIME FOR DINNER— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) September 14, 2017
A parenting manual but it's just a long list of places to hide the tape.
— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) September 13, 2017
If getting a 3AM round-house kick to the face as your child gets into your bed sounds fun, then have a kid. Have many.
— Say You, Say Meh (@TheAlexNevil) September 13, 2017
Parenting a 5 year old is seeing a commercial for a shower seat and thinking "Man, I've gotta get me one of those"
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) September 14, 2017
A Rube Goldberg machine for getting my 4yo another goddamned drink.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) September 14, 2017
I want it! What is it?
- toddlers— Jen Simon (@NoSleepInBklyn) September 11, 2017
I want a shirt that says "I survived back to school night."
— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) September 15, 2017
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This article originally appeared on HuffPost.