'I forgave him a long time ago': Mother of Eddie Loden's victim shows strength, compassion in overcoming grief
Dec. 10—DORSEY — Wanda Comer Farris forgave the man who raped and killed her daughter years ago.
Although she plans to go the Mississippi State Penitentiary next Wednesday to watch Thomas Edwin "Eddie" Loden be put to death by lethal injection, Farris said she long ago accepted her daughter's death and emptied her heart of whatever anger she felt toward her killer.
"I forgave him a long time ago," she said, adding that she supports the death penalty as punishment, but not for vindictiveness.
"You need to forgive to move on," she said. "You can't keep all that bitterness inside. I never hated the man. I just don't understand what makes some people tick."
In the summer of 2000, Leesa Marie Gray was a bubbly 16-year-old getting ready to start her senior year that fall at Itawamba Agricultural High School.
"She was always smiling and happy-go-lucky," Farris said of her daughter. "When the kids talked about her back then, they always mentioned her smile. She was a good Christian girl.
Farris said a reporter once told her they had never heard a bad word about Gray.
"That made me feel good, but it was nothing I did," she said. "I was not the most perfect mother."
But even at 16, Gray already had maternal instincts. She was big into Big Brothers Big Sisters through the school. Farris said her daughter loved spending time with her "little sister." Gray had also started babysitting two little boys, which caused her to spend less time serving at Comer's, the family's Highway 178 restaurant in the Dorsey community.
In June 2000, Gray had the misfortune of waiting on Loden. The 35-year-old man became infatuated with her. He tried to flirt with the teen, then sabotaged her car and laid in wait for her as she headed home one night.
Even 22 years later, the night her daughter died, and the next morning, are still vivid in Farris' mind.
"The next day, I went outside and prayed, 'Lord if she is gone — and deep in my heart I knew she was gone — Lord help me to not be bitter and help us found her body,'" Farris said. "The way it worked out showed me God is in control."
Gray's body was located hours later.
Losing the well-liked teen devastated not only the community, but incensed the region. Throngs of mourners packed the gymnasium at IAHS in Fulton for her funeral the following week.
Dealing with the loss of her daughter was tough on Farris.
"I was in shock. You never think anything like this will happen to you," Farris said. "And 22 years ago, you'd never think of this happening in a rural area like this.
"It was hard. I just laid on the bed one day and asked the Lord to stop my heart from beating. Then the phone rang, it was my son asking what I was doing. So I got up."
------
"I would've lost the image of being the picture-perfect Marine"
------
Farris said her faith — along with her church, family and friends — got her through the tumultuous time. She also credited Survival Incorporated, a victim support group started by Carolyn Clayton after her daughter was killed while jogging in Tupelo.
Gray's family was spared the pain of having to endure a potentially lengthy trial when Loden pleaded guilty to Gray's murder in September 2001. Before being sentenced to death, he stood up in court and apologized for his actions.
But his words rang hollow with his victim's family.
"He stood up in court and told us he was sorry and how he would never do anything to hurt us again," Farris said. "The one comfort I did have was that he was locked up and not getting out. I didn't have to worry about him doing the same thing with other little girls."
Still, that was cold comfort to a grieving mother, and Farris held onto her anger toward her daughter's killer for another year before forgiving him and letting go of that pain.
"I was going through the grieving process. I was just home one day thinking about all the stuff and it just came to me. I said out loud, 'I forgive you Eddie Loden,'" Farris said. "The Lord listened, and I wasn't bitter. Forgiveness helps you move on.
Although Farris said letting go of her anger was a relief, it brought with it a sense of guilt.
"I felt like I was betraying Leesa," she said. She had to call her preacher to get his reassurances that forgiving Loden was not a disservice to her daughter.
Even after forgiving Loden, she still clung tightly to her daughter. It took another couple of years before faith let her let go.
"I was in my own little world for four years. I finally said I've got to let her go," Farris said. "I thank the Lord I had her for 16 years. I wish it could have been more, but I know she is in a better place in heaven."
Although she's never seen someone die, Farris plans to witness Loden's execution next Wednesday. She will ride to Sunflower County with an Itawamba County constable. At the state penitentiary, she will be surrounded by not only her family and friends but also her daughter's best friend since kindergarten.
State law only allows two members of the victim's family to witness the execution. Farris will be one; the other will come from her father's side of the family. John Gray died in 2010, still waiting for justice for his daughter.
For Farris, Loden's death represents the end of a long, painful journey, and a new beginning of sorts.
"I am doing it for my daughter," she said. "There will be some relief that this is not hanging over our head anymore."
