It’s the blind spots that’ll kill you.

There are things you see in yourself that everyone else sees. There are things you see in yourself that nobody else sees. You have a shot at addressing both of these kinds of things if they get in the way. There are things you don’t see in yourself and others also don’t see. This may or not be a problem.

But the things others see in you that you don’t — those are blind spots, and they can be career killers. Let’s say that everyone knows you are a bad listener, but you don’t see yourself that way at all. There’s not much chance that you’ll become a better listener. And when being a bad listener impairs your ability to do your job well, you may just lose that job and never see it coming.

An important key to success in business and in leadership is self-awareness. There are many definitions of self-awareness, including ‘being in touch with your aura,’ but my operational definition is "the ability to see yourself the way others see you, and the ability to cope effectively with that." If you know you’re a bad listener, you can either learn to be a better listener, or you can team up with a good listener who can help you mitigate the damage by being a good listener on your behalf.

Not all people have blind spots. Some people are just naturally self-aware. But most of us do.

So, how do you find your blind spots?

One way, of course, is to ask people to tell you. That can work, but it can be hard to convince another person to tell you something you might not like hearing, and it can be hard to really hear it even if they do tell you. Creating an environment where people tell you something you don’t see in yourself takes time, trust, and willingness to listen. You may not have that amount of time or readiness to hear.

A tool that works very well is a "360-degree." You fill out a questionnaire about yourself that covers various personality and behavior traits, and the same questionnaire is filled out about you by people you work with (peers), people who work for you, and finally, your boss. This works best when there are enough people in each group to afford anonymity regarding who says what. Most people have only one boss at a time, so that person’s feedback won’t be anonymous.

By the way, these 360-degree assessments are easy to find these days, just check on Google.

Once you get the results from the 360-degree survey, and assuming people tell the truth, the results will show your blind spots. For example, if you rate yourself as 10 on a scale of 1-10 on being a good listener, and everyone else rates you as a 1, you can either ignore the data — in which case you have only yourself to blame for the consequences — or you can come up with a plan to address a weakness that was a blind spot, but no longer is.

I can tell you that this kind of process literally saved my career. I had several blind spots - things others saw in me that I didn’t see in myself. Once I knew about them, I had the opportunity to address them, and I did. From that point on, my career took off. I still have many or all of the same flaws or quirks, but I am aware of them, and that gives me options.

By the way, here’s a good tip for becoming a better listener. When someone tells you something — especially if you disagree or are doubtful — before making any attempt to rebut or argue, engage in helping them to make the best possible version of their idea or their viewpoint. Ask clarifying questions. Actively engage to polish their point. You won’t be able to do that if you are not really listening to them. This may take an hour or more, or may take 10 minutes. But take that time. Then, if you still, disagree, go ahead and share your disagreement. They may not be happy that you don’t agree or like their idea, but they won’t feel that you didn’t listen. And you may be surprised at how often really listening can change your mind.

By the way, that’s how I coped with the knowledge (that I obtained from the 360-degree assessment) that I was seen by others as a bad listener, even though I didn’t see it in myself.

The free and confidential help SCORE can provide has been helpful to many small businesses in Northern Michigan. Please feel free to request a meeting by going to our website at tipofthemitt.score.org, or calling (231) 347-4150 in the Petoskey area.

Gerald Wilson volunteers as a business mentor with SCORE's Tip of the Mitt chapter.

This article originally appeared on The Petoskey News-Review: Self-awareness key for business,leadership success