The Final Five Went to 'Hamilton' and Awesomeness Ensued

From ELLE

Oh, I see how it is.

Apparently, when you win sixty-eleven gold medals and definitively prove that you are some of the best humans alive, suddenly tickets to Hamilton become magically available. Sounds very suspicious. Hamilton, the Pulitzer Prize-winning Broadway sensation is sold out until approximately The Rapture, but when Olympians come to town five seats open up down center? Flag on the play!

Improper speculation!

Release the transcripts!

The Final Five came to the August 23 performance and afterward rubbed shoulders with the triple-threat Tony-winning cast backstage.

It was GOAT-meets-GOAT. I kid you not.

::hold for laughter::

In all seriousness, it's clear the US Gymnastics team earned their spot in the "Room Where It Happens." In the immortal words of A.Ham, "when you got skin in the game, you stay in the game. But you don't get a win unless you play in the game." This is also the philosophy I use when putting my name down at a brunch restaurant with a two-hour wait.

Meanwhile the rest of us are wandering Times Square trying to sell a kidney to a guy dressed in a bootleg Elmo costume to afford tickets. Who knew all you had to do to secure a seat was train for your entire life, get through US Trials, go to Rio, not lie about getting robbed, and then do literally impossible things with your body on the balance beam and the tickets will be yours.

It's actually easier than getting through some ticket websites, tbh.

The women were clearly living after the show.

Also, can we take a second to salute Thayne Jasperson's arms in this photo. Don't know which one is Thayne Jasperson? Look again. Yes. You. Do. No one is refuting this farmer.

Apparently when you cast a show about building our nation, you want people who could literally have lifted the Washington Monument with their bare hands.

I'm not mad about it.

Also not mad, Laurie Hernandez who is cheesing harder than the whole state of Wisconsin.

Aaron Burr didn't have to tell her to smile more. She was having the time of her life. Honestly, can we just send the Final Five to every Broadway show and capture their reactions? I would pay good money to see Laurie literally flipping over Wicked. Or Gabby riding on the carpet at Aladdin.

Or, wait for it, Simone Biles at Cats.

Someone send Simone Biles to Cats please. And me, too. Send us both to Cats.

I am obsessed with this picture. These people are about to drop the most fire workout mixtape of all time. Hip-Hop Abs has nothing on them. Can we appreciate the glory of Simone Biles' sassy mean mug, please? Can I have this face on an actual mug?

Tuesday's performance was also the debut of Broadway's new Aaron Burr, Brandon Victor Dixon. Dixon has been nominated for approximately sixty-eleven Tony Awards, most recently for Shuffle Along. He's basically Broadway's Katie Ledecky. It's also important to note that he and I went to college together.

It's important! And last week Cynthia Erivo, Queen of Everything and star of The Color Purple, tweeted me. So, basically I've been nominated for a Tony by proxy.

I'm the Audra McDonald of writing this column and sitting in this coffee shop. Please let the Final Five know that I have room in my schedule to receive celebrity guests. Any time.

Follow R. Eric Thomas on Twitter.