FA Cup Bingo: How many points can you accumulate from this weekend's ties?
As if there had not been enough romance this Valentine's week, the FA Cup fifth round arrives to tug at our heartstrings some more. After plenty of mundane affairs in the early rounds, the fact the big sides left in the competition have been handed away draws makes this weekend a little more attractive. The FA Cup provides fertile ground for clichés and hoary old half-truths, so see how many points you can scoop up.
Burnley v Lincoln City (Saturday 12.30pm)
5 points: The fact 78 league places separate the teams is mentioned on more than one occasion.
15 points: For the first time in the history of the FA Cup, the non-league team complains about the state of the pitch.
25 points: One in two viewers decide to switch over to a repeated episode of The Chase mid-way through the second half.
Huddersfield Town v Manchester City (3pm)
5 points: Tosin Adarabioyo gets a rare City start as the club try to smooth over contract talks.
15 points: The tie is described as the 'hipster's choice' of the weekend for no good reason other than Huddersfield's manager David Wagner is German and wants his team to press.
25 points: The away end is full on neon green and navy blue stripped away kits and inflatable bananas as City fans evoke 'the good old days' when this was a habitual Division One fixture.
Middlesbrough v Oxford United (3pm)
5 points: A good deal of navel gazing about the future of the cup ensues on Twitter, as pictures emerge of swathes of empty seats at the Riverside.
15 points: This tie is shown last on Match of the Day and is encapsulated in a 'highlights package' that lasts less than 60 seconds.
25 points: If the phrase 'one man and his dog' is employed to describe the attendance: though that's based on the assumption the dog is going to bother.
Millwall v Leicester City (3 pm)
5 points: After hinting that he has shown too much loyalty to key members of Leicester's title-winning team, Claudio Ranieri is true to his word and makes 10 changes.
15 points: For every flat cap you spot in the home crowd.
25 points: If you see Leicester's crest with a crack running down it in on the back page of a Sunday newspaper.
Wolves v Chelsea (5.30 pm)
5 points: Two first-half Chelsea goals completely kill the atmosphere.
15 points: With their customary tact and good grace, Chelsea fans revel in a rendition of 'Frankie Lampard, he's won more than you.'
25 points: To anyone who can tally up the number of Jorge Mendes clients on the pitch. You might need an abacus.
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Fulham v Tottenham (Sunday 2.00 pm)
5 points: Spurs are described as a 'cup side'.
15 points: If the camera pans to Alan Mullery, who spent a combined 14 years at both clubs as a player, at any stage of the game. Or failing that, Steed Malbranque.
25 points: After he bags another goal, Harry Redknapp claims Dele Ali could take his pick of Barcelona, Real Madrid, Arrigo Sacchi's AC Milan, Rinus Michel's Holland or the Harlem Globetrotters.
Blackburn Rovers v Man Utd (4.15 pm)
5 points: Wayne Rooney scores a penalty on a rare start for Utd's record goalscorer.
15 points: Any mention of the 1-0 win Owen Coyle masterminded against Utd as Burnley manager in August 2009.
25 points: Coyle maintains his reputation as the sponsors' favourite by mentioning 'the Emirates FA Cup' at least three times both before and after the game.
Sutton v Arsenal (Monday 7.55 pm)
5 points: Arsene Wenger plays a triple-double-barreled midfield of Ainsley Maitland-Niles, Jeff Reine-Adelaide and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain.
15 points: For every occasion Gander Green Lane's plastic pitch is described as 'a leveller.'
25 points: Arsenal's 3-0 win is enough to convince Arsene Wenger that there could still be jam tomorrow and he pens a new contract live on BBC post-match. Cue ArsenalFanTV meltdown.
