For the past 55 years, Bobby “Boris” Pickett’s novelty classic “Monster Mash” has been an important part of Halloween.
It seems only now are people paying close attention to the lyrics ― and it’s freaking them out.
Turns out “Monster Mash” may just be a song about a guy who sees and hears monsters performing and dancing to a song called “Monster Mash” ― but not necessarily the song “Monster Mash” itself. So the actual song could be entirely different.
A guy named Lawrence Miles tweeted the mind-bending theory on Saturday evening.
Guys. I'm here to red-pill you all.
You've never heard the actual Monster Mash. You've just heard a record *about* the Monster Mash.
The implication that humans ― with the obvious exception of Pickett himself ― might never have heard the mysterious “Monster Mash” song that inspired Pickett to write his song with the same title blew some people’s minds.
How could I have been so blind for so long? This changes everything.
Sadly, Pickett died in 2007 so he’s unable to comment on whether his song is the actual “Monster Mash” or just a song about a song called “Monster Mash.”
However, you can watch this YouTube clip of him singing the song and reach your own verdict.
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Happy Poop
Sure this costume is the epitome of crap, but there isn't a person at the Halloween party who won't want to take a selfie with the person who wears it. Of course, some may not want to stand too close.
Subtle And Not Gross-At-All Pickle Apron
Here's a thought experiment: Imagine the Pickle Apron Guy meeting someone at a Halloween party and actually taking them home. I can't, either.
Giant Tampon
So you hate crowds, but are forced to go to a Halloween party. What will you do? The answer is this giant tampon costume. You might even get an entire room to yourself. Well, you and the Pickle Apron guy.
Kangaroo
Yes, this kangaroo costume is ridiculous and accentuates the badonkadonk in a manner some might find unflattering. But before you start hating, please note one thing: That there pouch is pretty decent for holding small amounts of contraband. We'll wait while you go online to order.
Halloweenie
It takes a lot of balls to be a Halloweenie, but the person who does will certainly be acclaimed at certain types of Halloween parties. I bet the Pickle Apron guy will be angry: "Why are people hanging around that guy? His costume lacks the subtlety and taste of mine."
Piggyback Stripper
Forget that old saw about the eyes being the window to the soul. It's Halloween costumes that really prove a person's true personality. And the person who shows up with the Piggyback Stripper is telling the world, "I am a sensitive, loving human who only wants to make the world a better place for future generations." OK, fools, let's make it rain!
Crying Baby Mask
Every Halloween party is going to be filled with creepy clowns. If you really want to creep people out, this all-too realistic crying baby mask will do the job. Trust us: We road-tested it at a Starbucks on Labor Day. No, we're not allowed back.
Eggplant
Want to know how things have changed in the last five years? Look at this eggplant costume. Half a decade ago, this costume would have been worn by a foodie or a vegan. Now, it's likely to be worn by bros who want to advertise their sexual potency. To anyone who dares to wear this, we hope you find that peach of your dreams.
Giant Douche
You're going to see a lot of douches at Halloween parties, but there's something to be said for being upfront and open about it.
Sexy Remote Control
We don't like to judge but, frankly, dressing up as a TV remote control is problematic. Remember, the remote control often becomes stuck between couch cushions.
Sexy Pink Panther
It's an annual dilemma: You want to dress up as a sexualized version of a cartoon character, but don't want to permanently scar children by dressing up as someone they might recognize. The solution may be this hot-and-bothered version of the Pink Panther. Or not.
Skimpy Clown Costume
Scary clowns are all the rage this Halloween, but few costumes are as scary as these bikini briefs. And while clowns are known to be cheeky, few are as cheeky as the back view of this get-up, if you get our drift.
Down For The Count
Yes, this is a polarizing costume. But make no mistake: the guy who is "Down For The Count" is going to be asked to pose for a helluva lot of selfies. And even those who are disgusted will take sneak photos so they can gripe about the guy on social media. Just saying.
Skeleboner
Previously when I looked at skeleton costumes, I always felt like they were missing something, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Now, thanks to Skeleboner, I can (but I'm not sure I want to).
Sleeping Dude-y
One glance at this "Sleeping Dude-y" costume and you might think, “Ugh. Some bro thinks he’s funny dressing up as a princess while still trying to maintain his hetero image.” Actually, that’s what we think on the second or third glance as well.
Trump Piggyback
Piggyback costumes are big this year, but the Trump version is the only one that makes Halloween great again.
Sexy Elmo
This Elmo costume is the perfect kiddie-character-made-sexy costume for a shyer woman. It won't freak out the kids, but it's still playful. However, I still wonder if Elmo's pet goldfish, Dorothy, is hiding somewhere.
Sexy Edward Scissorhands
This Sexy Edward Scissorhands get-up sends mixed messages. It definitely has a certain goth girl appeal, but those scissors on the costume look sharp and might scare people away. Of course, that might be a good thing.
Sexy Bambi
Oh deer. Yet another childhood-ruining sexy outfit for Halloween. This one is actually more discreet than others we've seen -- except for the way Bambi is sticking out his tongue in desire. We're feeling kind of awkward now.
Sexy Playboy Dog
Hugh Hefner's recent death may inspire a whole rash of Halloween Playboy bunnies, but none of them hold a carrot to having a canine be your playmate. It's the most cuddly form of patriarchal sexism we've seen this year.
Eleven From 'Stranger Things'
My daughter loves "Stranger Things" so I showed her this costume of Eleven. "Cool," she says. So I asked her if she wanted to be that for Halloween. "No," she says. "Everyone's going as her." There you go.
Pot Brownie Baker
Cute outfit, but here's some cold hard truth: Anyone who dresses as a pot brownie baker and doesn't actually bring brownies to the party is a buzzkill. If you can live with that on your conscience, fine with me.
Sexy Chucky
"Gee boss, we've run out of charming children's characters we can sexualize and Halloween's coming. What will we do?" "We have no choice. Go to Plan B." "Plan B? Are you sure?" "We have no choice. It's the only way." "I don't know ... it seems too much." "Do it! Make Chucky sexy!" Cut to crowd: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
Praying Mantis
Dressing up as a praying mantis is weird enough, but if you really want to bug people, tell them you're making a statement about how insects can be religious as well. If anyone gripes, just say, "Hey, at least I'm not the Pickle Apron guy."
Inflatable King Kong
Sure, everyone loves a gorilla costume, but they can get so hot. This King Kong costume stays inflated with a mini-fan and can provide a cushion should you fall off a couch, or the Empire State Building.
Beer Wench Piggyback
This "piggyback beer wench" is actually a multi-use costume. Not only can you wear it to Halloween parties, you can wear it to anything vaguely Oktoberfest-related. Some people may find it offensive, but take heart: You're still going to be more popular than the Pickle Apron guy.
Frank The Fish
You could spend months trying to create an elaborate costume that wouldn't be nearly as creepy as this fish mask. My eyes! My eyes!
Rubber Duckie Mask
Whether you're Huey, Dewey or Louie (does it really matter?), people will definitely say "Woo hoo!" to this rubber duck mask that has no connection at all to "Duck Tales" (so back off, Disney!). You can't see very well out of the damn thing, but that's a small price to pay for fashion.
Mask For Barbie Doll
Hey, your Barbie probably gets bored of looking gorgeous in a plastic way. Allow that doll to express her inner monster with this plastic mask that will surely give Ken a scare.
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