All the Drama You Missed on the Teen Mom OG Finale
After 15 episodes of Farrah yelling at everything that moved (and many things that didn’t), Maci planning her wedding, and Amber and Catelynn coming out about their mental health issues, it’s all over. Last night, the current season of Teen Mom OG came to a joyous/disastrous end, and if you’re feeling a little torn, it’s probably because you’re also wondering about what happened to Butch, whether Farrah and Debra are still talking, and what Amber looks like after her “mommy makeover," and would have happily given up some of the real estate devoted to Maci and Phil Robertson’s ceremonial exchanging of jewelry and Rolexes to find out. ("Mommy makeover" is a real thing plastic surgeons advertise, by the way; she didn’t make the term up as I originally thought.)
But you know what? There’s always the reunion. So let’s just be happy for Maci for a few minutes and then get to the most important questions of the episode: What do you think Debra’s like after six hours at the opera? And what must it be like to sit next to her the entire time? (You couldn’t just sneak a camera in, MTV? Do us a goddamn solid for once.)
But back to less important issues…
Maci
The chillest Teen Mom of the bunch finally got married! After wishing and hoping and giving Phil Robertson awkward ultimatums in Las Vegas, Maci got her dream. And her wedding was a lovely affair without any of the usual drama associated with such events. In fact, Maci was so carefree about the whole situation that even her producer wandered in to see if she could cause some trouble just so this show would return next season. But aside from Maci and Phil debating over who was luckiest to get married (It was a tie?), there’s not much actual controversy aside from all of us wondering whether Ryan would show up to this wedding or not. (He does, but considering he’s wearing sunglasses and is constantly being propped up by his parents or girlfriend - Hi Mackenzie! Glad to see you still on TV! - I kept getting the weird feeling that he’d been tranquilized and everyone was just Weekend at Bernie’s-ing him through the entire thing).
At the wedding - we’re skipping through everything else because, honestly, not even Jaala was able to ruffle Maci - Maci and Phil exchange some beautiful vows (not even being snarky here; they’re no Tyler Baltierra, but they come close!) and Maci shakes like a leaf while telling Phil what a wonderful person he is and how lucky she is that he was able to love her even though she was “a single mom with a hidden heart,” a “redhead with an attitude,” and someone who had her every move scrutinized by the outside world due to her status as a Teen Mom cast member. It’s true, too! Unlike Matt, who is totally on this show to be on the show, Phil has always been pretty chill and reserved, although not particularly (visibly) helpful when it comes to raising Maci’s 478.4 children. Let’s hope the two have many happy Ed Hardy-inspired years together and that their joyful union isn’t constantly being upended by Ryan’s terrible behavior.
Speaking of Ryan, he’s getting married next! That’s because Mackenzie catches the bouquet (flashing the entire world her underwear in the process) and then freaks the hell out, writhing and shouting as Maci wishes her a very sincere “good luck.” Ryan, on the other hand, looks both high and terrified as he realizes that his girlfriend is trying to get a little more serious than he anticipated when he said, “Sure, move into my new house that is owned by my parents. The living room is lovely! I like to sit in it for days at a time and hope that’s OK with you.”
Catelynn
Unfortunate news: Butch, the breakout star of this show, is in jail again. (90 days until he’s free!) After doing well for an entire year, Butch missed a meeting with his parole officer and landed himself in the slammer only days before Catelynn and Tyler are supposed to attend Maci’s wedding. While Catelynn wonders how exactly this could have happened, Tyler (who’s constantly proving himself to be self-aware and introspective) points out that Butch’s arrest likely has a lot to do with the fact that he’s afraid of his own freedom. Can’t disagree with the guy there. If you spend your entire adult life in and out of jail, it gets pretty hard to just let that go, no matter how much you want to. And Butch missing his appointment, even after Catelynn and Tyler called him to remind him to go, certainly suggests that he’s got a lot of ambivalence toward his continued progress. It’s just so hard watching the hottest man on television suffer this way!
Despite Butch’s (hopefully) temporary incarceration, Catelynn and Tyler try to make the best of Maci’s wedding by joking about getting pregnant the same way Maci did at theirs (Wait, is this for real? That’s a scoop!) and getting hella drunk by drinking entire bottles of champagne before the ceremony (which is actually very advisable because no matter how much you love the couple, weddings are boring and much better when you’re so drunk that you can’t feel your teeth and wake up the next morning wondering what in the hell you did that warranted you 20 new friend requests) (Source: difficult life experience).
It’s nice to see Catelynn and Tyler having a little fun, but I can’t be the only one wishing that the producers had focused a little more on the whole “Butch in jail issue.” Why didn’t we get any resolution? Do they not understand that I am now going to spend my entire day worrying about Butch Baltierra? I don’t have time for that! I’ve got to work!
Amber
After a hard season of coming to terms with her mental health issues, moving Matt’s son into their home, and trying (and failing) to lose weight, Amber is getting a “mommy makeover” (commonly a breast augmentation, liposuction, and a non-surgical fat reduction procedure) to make herself feel better. Whether plastic surgery will help her self-esteem still remains to be seen, but Amber is so intent on fixing her appearance in order to boost her confidence that she’s even missing Maci’s wedding to do it.
What Amber isn’t missing is the photo shoot for Matt’s book. I have no idea how this happened so fast, but Matt’s tell-all (complete with at least one “bad boy in sunglasses” photo) has already gone through one complete draft and is so close to publication that there’s now a professional photog taking pictures of him and Amber to complement whatever it is that Matt is going to sell us come next spring. Amber says she wishes that Matt could have just waited until she’d had surgery, but you know how the guy is … if it’s not about him, he’s not particularly interested. (Even though Amber’s not even on the cover! It’s just a picture of Matt naked and covering his dick with a leather jacket! Who will buy this?)
Speaking of “not about him,” even Amber’s a little bit fed up with Matt’s attitude. During a candid moment in their garage, where they spend a lot of time just sitting on lawn chairs, Amber interrupts Matt’s 15th reminder that he “has a great life” to tell him that he’s had enough moments and that he needs to recognize the show isn’t about him. You can say that she’s joking, but there’s an undeniable edge to Amber’s voice when she tells Matt that “this show is called Teen Mom, not Teen Matt.” I’m not out here rooting for this relationship to last forever, but if Matt wants to keep it going, he should probably read between the lines and make himself a little more scarce, because it seems that even Amber (his biggest supporter and defender) is becoming more and more cognizant of how badly he wants attention.
I’m also hoping that Amber spends some more time with Leah. I know there’s a lot of editing magic going on here, but if this season is to be taken at face value, then Amber hasn’t been spending a lot of time with her daughter. And Leah seems to have noticed. The day before Amber’s surgery, she and Leah are indeed together, and when Amber starts talking about herself while in the car, Leah brings the conversation to a grinding halt by demanding to know why exactly Amber doesn’t live closer. Some clever coaching by Gary or Leah? You decide! If there’s one thing that’s clear, though, it’s that Leah is desperate for more time with her mom.
(Amber’s surgery goes well, by the way! I couldn’t tell what the differences are when they showed us scenes from her recovery - of course, Amber herself said the changes would be more conservative than Farrah’s - but she did seem happier! Let’s hope it lasts!)
Farrah
Farrah’s segment opens in Texas - the show has to tell us where we are because Farrah has several houses now, OK? - where she’s exhaustedly helping Sophia swing “higher than the boom operator." Does anyone else notice that Farrah has a lot of energy when it comes to screaming at everyone but is always almost dead when she’s spending time with Sophia? Meantime, her mother and Simon hold a war council/support group on what it’s like communicating with Farrah and how difficult it is to have a happy family when she’s yelling all the time. Debra seems fairly inebriated throughout and when she starts carrying on about her boyfriend (something Simon doesn’t want to hear about) and how great Dr. Jen (the family therapist) is, I almost expect her to lapse into a Southern accent and start drawling on about how she’s always relied on the kindness of strangers.
Fortunately, the scene cuts before all that can happen and we are treated to yet another Abraham family dinner, which ends in tears because Debra’s internet boyfriend (apparently a doctor?) goes off on Farrah within minutes of meeting her. Apparently David (that’s the boyfriend’s name) has watched Teen Mom and has come to this friendly dinner with an agenda. That agenda? To let Farrah know what a terrible person she is and how badly she treats her mom. I mean, those aren’t unfair points, but this guy is a complete stranger Farrah never wanted to meet in the first place, so maybe he should STFU instead of lecturing an adult (no matter how childish she is) about her behavior within seconds of sitting down to break bread with her?
After Debra and David leave, Farrah and Simon (who is also at this dinner and was attacked by David for not paying for Farrah’s engagement ring) are left to their own devices, which means that Simon says over and over what a manipulative con-man Debra’s new boyfriend is (fair), while Farrah screams and shouts and lets it all out even though she’s not really even sure what or who she’s mad at. When Farrah starts attacking Simon, he calmly tells her that she’s not mad at him, but at her mom’s new boyfriend who rolled in and started calling Farrah “negative” (the worst thing you could accuse Farrah of being) without so much as an “it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Later, Farrah and Debra meet Dr. Jen - great therapist, wish she was handling the reunions rather than that charlatan Dr. Drew - in a murder cabin fashioned to look like a counselor’s office. Despite the fact that all that raw wood (Is that raw wood?) makes it feel like both Farrah and Debra could be brutally slashed to death by a masked assailant at any moment, Dr. Jen offers Farrah - who is clearly not here to be told that she’s the problem - some important advice about not offending people (at least Farrah owns the fact that people are offended by her a great deal of the time) and tells Debra that letting David steamroll all over Farrah with his “real talk” was well-intentioned (probably?) but the timing couldn’t have been more horrific (correct).
More importantly, Dr. Jen not only calls Farrah out for being entitled, which Farrah still doesn’t buy even after she says things like, “I allow people to help me,” but tells her exactly why she’s always forcing her mom to come help her and blowing up at her. It’s because she’s trying to get a “do-over” of her teenage years and wants Debra to engage with her now in the way that Debra couldn’t when Farrah was a kid. Unfortunately, because Debra will never be 100 percent perfect in the way that Farrah wants her to be, it always ends in disaster. Will the two ever be able to figure it out and have a good relationship? I guess we’ll have to find out during the reunion. Although considering Farrah got into a physical altercation with Amber during filming, I’m not holding my breath for a lot of growth from anyone.
Follow Mark on Twitter.
You Might Also Like
