Don't Tell 'Mama' That She Won the Box Office

Connor Simpson

Welcome to the Box Office Report where we're always telling to people to welcome more feral children into their homes.

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1. Mama (Universal): $28.1 million in 2,647 theaters

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Seriously though, what is even happening in this movie? Does anything make sense? Are the kids already dead? Who went to see this? Are teenagers really this stupid? Did anyone expect it to do this well? Will people just watch anything that looks spooky? Seriously, are teenagers really this stupid? [Answer key: no idea; no; maybe; teenagers; yes; no; yes; yes, definitely.] 

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2. Zero Dark Thirty (Sony): $17.6 million in 2,946 theaters [Week 2]

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What happens when you divide Mama by Zero Dark Thirty? You get two movies that probably fail without Jessica Chastain. (That's how math works, right?) Anyway, it's interesting to note that Best Actress contenders Chastain and Jennifer Lawrence both put out bad horror movies immediately after their star-making hit movies in the last year. 

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3. Silver Linings Playbook (Weinstein Company): $11.4 million in 2,523 theaters

Hey, it's now time for the rest of the world to see Silver Linings Playbook, too! The big city slickers have to share J-Law now that she's a Golden Globe winner and positioned herself as the biggest threat to Jessica Chastain's eventual Best Actress victory. 

4. Gangster Squad (Warner): $9.1 in 3,103 theaters [Week 2]

This might as well be called 'When Trying to Make an Updated, Hyper-Violent L.A. Confidential Goes Wrong.'

5. Broken City (Universal): $9 million in 2,620 theaters


This might as well be called 'When Trying to Make This Year's The Lincoln Lawyer Goes Wrong.' Someone make us a movie executive. Clearly it's meant to be.