Don't You Dare Call Yourself a Single Mother, Kristin Cavallari

From Redbook

On August 30, my son turned 10 - double digits. This means I've been a single mom for a decade. I have a bunch of single mom friends. Some are divorced and share custody with their exes. Others are choice moms and went to sperm banks. I have friends who have ex-partners who are supposed to pay child support and see their child, but don't. Whatever the circumstances, single motherhood isn't an identity my friends or I can slip on and off.

So when ex-reality star Kristin Cavallari recently commented that she'll be a "single parent for the next five months" - because her husband, Jay Cutler, landed a $10 million contract with the Miami Dolphins - I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "You are far from a #singleparent so please don't insult us," I tweeted at her. "U have a husband. A dad for your kids."

Don't get me wrong. I respect the fact that Cavallari didn't uproot her three children (Cam, 5, Jax, 3, and Saylor, 1) because her NFL husband has to hit the road. It's great that she gets to stay put in her six bedroom, eight-and-a-half bathroom mansion, set on an 8.56-acre lot in the Nashville 'burbs.

Kristin's sons Cam and Jax are now old enough to ask when their dad's coming home. When they do, she won't have to figure out how to tell her kids that their dad won't be coming home. Ever.

My son's dad left when I was pregnant. My kid has been asking questions about him since he was three. The conversation has evolved over the years, and recently escalated when he Googled his father's name and saw a photo of a happy family of four.

Sure, Kristin will have to feed, bathe, and shuttle her three kids around alone, but there's an expiration date on her arrangement.

Oh, and she has help. Kristin points out she has her mother-in-law and an amazing nanny and "couldn't do it without them." On that point, I agree with her - single parents need help. I have help, too. In fact, my dad is watching my son all day today while I'm at work because it's the last day of summer vacation. But there's definitely no nanny to speak of. After work, I drive directly to soccer practice. We get home at around 9 p.m. Once my son is showered and in bed, I fold laundry, open bills, prep lunches, and do all of the other thankless stuff moms everywhere do on a daily basis.

When I lay my head down on my pillow at night, there's no other adult human there to talk to about stuff like whether or not we should get our son a math tutor this year. Sometimes I twist and turn with anxiety just thinking about how I'm the only one responsible for the human in the next room. I wonder what his little brain is thinking about. Am I doing a good job? Am I enough for him?

For now, it's just the two of us. I'm not dating, but if I were, I couldn't start telling people I have a partner after a few successful nights out. And so Kristin shouldn't boast about her single mom status while her husband is away on a five-month business trip. I'm a single mom - maybe for life. She's just a "single parent" until football season ends.

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