Early on in a relationship, both partners put their best foot forward, showing off the most pleasant, polished versions of themselves.
Below, we’ve gathered 17 tweets that hilariously highlight the difference between dating and marriage.
How people walk when they’re:
DATING *holding hands*
ENGAGED *arms locked*
MARRIED *one person is 5 feet in front of the other and yelling back at them for parking so far away*
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) December 17, 2017
dating: its cute that you dont eat all the chicken off a wing
marriage: there’s like $1.75 worth of chicken left on those bones, meghan
— brent (@murrman5) December 18, 2017
10 days into dating: [hides every imperfection]
10 years into marriage: "Look at this zit brewing!" "The one on my back puts that to SHAME."
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) July 18, 2016
Texting my wife when we were dating - What are you wearing?
Texting my wife now - Did the dog poop?
— Dan R (@Social_Mime) November 18, 2016
When you're dating, you message your partner about sex & fun date ideas. When you're married, it's about breakfast cereal iron content.
— A M A N D A C O N D A with the G O O D B U N S (@mommywhitfield) March 10, 2017
When we were dating, my husband crafted a multi-CD playlist for my "Day the Music Died" party, now I get excited if he texts me back "sure."
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) June 29, 2016
Crush: I hope he notices me
Dating: I hope he notices my new dress
Married: DOES ANYONE ELSE NOTICE THE HAIR ALL OVER THE BATHROOM?
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) December 27, 2017
If you're dating and get an "I love you" text for no reason, it's endearing.
If you're married, you wonder why he has a guilty conscience.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) April 27, 2016
2nd month dating: A thousand lifetimes with you would not be enough.
2nd month of marriage: OMG you are the loudest cereal chewer on earth!
— The Cre Master (@Jmboyd58) November 3, 2016
TEXTS WHILE DATING: can't wait to see you later, i bought cute new panties
TEXTS WHILE MARRIED: omg there's this sweaty ass smell in the kitchen and I don't know what it is, thoughts?
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) December 5, 2017
Single: I'm going to the bar!
Dating: Wanna go to the bar?
Married: Can I go to the bar?
Married w/ Kids: Pottery Barn?
— Will Rodgers (@WilliamRodgers) September 12, 2015
Dating: I could never stay mad at you.
Marriage: It's been 3 weeks and we still aren't speaking over a fight about a laundry basket.
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) March 21, 2017
When dating: It's so cute how you never knows where your keys are!
After marriage: The key hook is right HERE. Use it. You're killing me.
— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) October 7, 2015
Remember when he used to hold it in when you were dating but now that you're married he just answers with a fart?
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) February 16, 2017
Massage when you begin dating: Sensual with lotion for an hour
Married massage: 1 hand, mostly knuckles during commercials on your birthday
— Dan R (@Social_Mime) August 23, 2017
Dating sex: dinner, compliments, attentive conversation, foreplay
Married sex: "When I'm outta the bathroom, let's get naked."
— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) July 13, 2015
Send me a pic.
Send me a pic
of the tile you like.
— Jenn Farrar (@jennfarrar7) August 25, 2016
- This article originally appeared on HuffPost.