Jim: I thought Bernie's was soaring and powerful, and, er....
This Sarcastic Note Just In…
Feelin’ The Bern: An Honest Interview with An Imbecile - Honest!
By Bathhouse John for Vox Populi | July 25, 2016 at 12 PM (“High Noon”)
Vox Populi is truth serum laced into the doobage of the Left Wing Mediums - clairvoyants with their trembling left hand around the jugular of the people, and their right around the nearest vanilla snack cake. The taxpayers gotta get the facts somehow.
Boy, oh, boy! Bernie Sanders really laid it on thicker than a Philly Cheese Steak tonight at the DNC in the City of Brotherly Love. Now, backstage before his “performance,” we took a couple of hits (it’s kinda become tradition when I interview Democrats) down with yours truly on some great stuff Hickenlooper brought in from Colo Bong.
The Bern then impetuously jogged over to the famous stairs at the Philadelphia Museum of Art - with me in hot pursuit, in order to “Bern off” some extra calories ingested after chowing down on a couple of Philly Cheese Steaks one of his aides brought in. The old man surprisingly ran up and down a couple of times, and then miraculously skateboarded back (He borrowed one from a guy and his friend who both lost their licenses due to several DUIs. The Bern and I made it back right before the City Fire Marshall warned the Wells Fargo Arena (an appropriate venue considering Hillary and Company want to rob the taxpayers of their money) crowd that smoking was prohibited and pot smoking was illegal (Thus our “exit stage left, earlier). Truth be told, the arena was so smokey I thought I was standing in the midst of the Santa Clarita Wild Fire which had burned 35,ooo acres already . . . and that’s without rolling papers - mind you.
So! Bernie Sanders refused to share his speech beforehand with me, though I must say I appreciated his hospitality, especially the skateboard experience though apparently a lot of his constituents, due to enormously high taxes in his home state of Vermont, ride skateboards, too.
Frankly, I only took a few hits (as low as three and as “high” as 13) and so I did not really find his speech interesting at all, I mean we all were bombarded with his ideas over the last year or so of absolute primary torture, like having teeth pulled with string and a doorknob and a lot of pain - supposedly outlawed by the Hague Convention; at least, that’s what I learned while watching a rerun of Hogan’s Heroes. To make a long story short - that’s why they invented Cliff Notes - I’ve summarized some key points of The Bern’s “blockbuster speech” at the DNC and offered up, like the resin in an old bong, my thoughts. He spoke as I stood stage right hidden behind a heavy hemp curtain. (See: Bernie's Speech)
1/He began by eloquently thanking his supporters and his family, naturally. I must say, the effects of the drug aside, Bernie Sanders ran a hell of a campaign. Granted, his ideas are as wacky as the tobacky we imbibed sometime earlier but he nevertheless impressed a lot of people, myself included.
2/Than, reaching a crescendo (You see, honestly, I think so, but I’m not positive because I was watching a Hillary look-alike in the front row accidentally catch fire from a lit “cigarette” that was being passed around and accidentally fell on her jumpsuit.) . . . Bernie did what he does best: he makes us know that he knows what we know and what we need to know and want to know, and that he knows all of that (pure genius): “This election is about – and must be about – the needs of the American people and the kind of future we create for our children and our grandchildren.” (See: Bernie's Speech)
3/He then started into his standard diatribe about wealth inequality and how Obama reversed the “trickle down economics” and, though The Bern doesn’t say this, Obama simply, like the engineers who reversed the flow of the Chicago River (1900), reversed the flow of the economy to one of “trickle up economics.” The Joe and Susie, Juan and Maria, Binh and Linh, taxpayers were now on the hook to pay for all of the prez’ special and very expensive programs, which quite honestly are all predicated upon the Democratic Party’s plan to destroy the two party system viz-a-viz massive welfare and illegal immigration - sustained by massive welfare. (See: Dems Plan).
4/As Hillary was shown in her orange jump suit via closed circuit TV from Joliet Correctional Center in Illinois, Bernie winked at me and said essentially that, “We have to get out and vote for Hillary and Kaine or else we’ll be stuck with Trump and Pence.” Hence…. OK. I winked back thinking, “Dude, you’re high!” (which he was - proof being he kept licking his lips and eyeing a young dem sitting in the front row eating a bag of Skittles) . . . that’s exactly why we need to vote for Trump and Pence. It was interesting how the crowd went wild upon hearing the ringing of those words in their ear canals all the while Hillary was, you guessed it, snacking away on her favorite treat (Thanks to me!): vanilla snack cakes. (I think I started a trend with the dems because I noticed a lot of people eating a lot of vanilla snack cakes and what not though it could have been, admittedly, due to the effects of the massive pot smoke in this huge Wells Fargo Pot Vault, if you will. Suddenly, I noticed Bernie’s nose seemed to grow bit by bit as he spoke - again, was it just the THC working overtime? The words crawled out of his cottonmouth, “The choice is not even close.” (See: Bernie's Speech)
5/Minimum wage was then addressed. Bernie will be Bernie. He wants to see a minimum wage raised to a living wage. I think at this point, the effects of the dope this Democrat had shared with me was starting to wear off and reasoning, logic and emotion, like a pinched piece of butt cheek, started to turn from pink to flesh again. The Bern shouted, as many audience members started to sway their hands and arms and dance in the aisles (some even fainted from the excitement and hit the concrete floor with a thud - because no one was really paying attention to their surroundings anymore) and stated, “She [Hillary] understands that we must raise the minimum wage to a living wage.” (See: Bernie's Speech) I remember thinking, “Uh, Bernster, the problem with raising the minimum wage is that there are too many workers in that level of the labor force - no thanks to the massive illegal immigration waves Obama has allowed. Plus, they work in sectors of the economy where the profit margins aren’t viable to sustain a $15 dollar per hour wage. I’m all for it. But I know what will happen. (See: Robots)
6/ Bernie did broach the biggest problem ALL Americans now face if they are going to remain free: the Citizens United Case in 2010 (See: CU Case) that our Supreme Court foisted upon the political landscape. Naturally, The Bernster blames the Koch Brothers (Republicans) but fails to blame George Soros (Democrat) or the 1%ers which you and I know (whether we’re high or not) are responsible for promoting this which allows them to silence cash-strapped John Q. Public.
7/Of course he ribbed Trump about healthcare, claiming working people need it, and some other issues like “immigration reform” . . . which is code for “legalize the illegals who cheated” and “screw the people who’ve waited in line.” I’m not sure what planet Bernie’s on, and I think Vermont is just a state, but Obamacare only helps the welfare class. It certainly doesn’t help me - my rates have almost tripled under Obama’s goofy plan and my care has been rationed - sound familiar? Note that Obama, his wife, his kids, “Say It Ain’t So, Joe” Biden, etc. . . . they don’t use Obama Care. But we have to. Hmm. That’s fishy to me. Perhaps more than anything, these two issue are glowing examples of why Trump has a lot of support amongst the middle class taxpayers . . . those who have to pay for Obama’s social experiments, or, depending on how you look at it (high or not), Democratic Party bribes to the lifer welfare classes.
After all was said and done, the Bernie Sanders and I sat down backstage, he took off his goofy looking loafers, and we both partook in the evening’s greatest moment: devouring, and I mean that in every sense of the word, two pints of Ben and Jerry’s, “Bernie’s Yearnings.” After almost gagging on too many sprinkles, I remember thinking to myself, “Am I really sitting here with Bernie Sanders, perhaps after the biggest speech in his career, chowing down on some of the best Ben and Jerry’s I ever had. As a taxpayer and working stiff, I normally can’t afford Ben and Jerry’s but since it was, due to Bernie’s political leanings, free for the taking, I couldn’t resist - the bane of every lifer welfare dependent person. In closing this crazy, albeit fictional experience, perhaps, like the crazy Dems in the venue a few feet away, and the even crazier Bernie supporters even closer (Bernie has groupies wherever he goes, dubbed “BSers”), we were all higher than a kite that even Ben Franklin could have flown.
© 2016 Vox Populi. All laughs reserved on content crafted anew. Whether you love or hate what I say, please share it with a friend or enemy. The 2016 Election is personal and I support Donald J. Trump. Our kids and grandkids cannot afford the alternative, Chairwoman Clinton and the Democratic Communist Party of America. (jvhoffmannjr.blogspot.com)