On this debt ceiling thing, where are the Wall St. lobbyists who control the politicians?

After pumping gas, I thought about walking into the convenience store and telling the woman that I wouldn’t be paying today, because I’d reached my debt ceiling without agreeing on a reauthorization. But with the way people pull out an AR-15 these days over every little thing, I thought better of it.

And who could have blamed her? She’s probably as sick of hearing about it as everyone else.

I kind of assume the two parties will get this worked out. Maybe it will be worked out by the time you read this. I kind of assume that the solution will involve some semantic accounting trick that allows Republicans to say they have cut federal spending while allowing Democrats to say they blocked a conservative agenda that would force the nation’s grandmothers to subsist on a diet of Tender Vittles.

Tim Rowland
Tim Rowland

And I kind of assume things will go on as they always have, and our great American Congress can get back to the very serious and arduous work of deciding whether the estimated three transexuals in Montana should be allowed to have surgery down there.

But politically, we’re kind of in uncharted waters, so who knows?

If you’re looking for an explanation of why we have the debt ceiling you will have to look elsewhere. Even Wikipedia doesn’t know. I read the explanation (twice), which asserts that it occurred during World War I as part of the Liberty Bond Act and was designed to provide Congress with “greater flexibility.”

That makes no sense. If you want greater flexibility you don’t put a time bomb in a budget, you take a yoga class. To me the only thing it proves is that members of Congress in 1917 were as big a dopes as they are today.

So like a toddler rooting around in the backyard and finding a piece of unexploded Civil War ordnance, the rest of the world is watching the U.S. House of Representatives, saying “Put it down, put it down Kevie, easy, easy, good boy, NO! Don’t throw it at the cat!”

Of course I’m taking the word of the Very Serious People who say that failure to authorize an increase in the debt ceiling will doom the world to a life of cave dwellings and rat suppers.

Maybe. But when you’re living in a financial snow globe where trillions and trillions of legal-tender confetti are swirling all around, it’s all theoretical anyway, right?

Honestly, if Janet Yellen had just kept her mouth shut and continued to write checks, who would ever know the difference?

Here’s what else I don’t understand: What has happened to the all-powerful Wall Street financier lobbyists? You know, the ones who step in to block even the most innocuous and beneficial consumer protections? The ones who, if they felt like it, could order Congress to pass a law requiring all Americans to sacrifice their first-born male child? The ones who control virtually every member of Congress like marionettes in a string? The ones who contribute so lavishly to political campaigns so that Americans will elect true leaders who do exactly as they’re told?

What happened to them, are they on vacation with Harlan Crow? The one time you really need them and they’re nowhere to be found.

Related: Who is Harlan Crow? The real estate magnate and GOP megadonor's relationship to Clarence Thomas

Certainly they would be among those who would suffer most from a financial meltdown, so you would think they’d be grabbing Congress by the ear and telling it to pipe down.

Or like James Earl Jones who played the CIA director in “The Hunt for Red October” and switches off the key that would have destroyed the Russian submarine, allowing the U.S. to obtain its secrets. “Now commander, that torpedo did not self-destruct. You heard it hit the hull — and I ... was never here.”

Come on, Goldman Sachs contributed $3.2 million, can’t they call in a chit or two? As the saying goes, that’s the problem with U.S. politicians — they just won’t stay bought.

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist.

This article originally appeared on The Herald-Mail: Will financial sector lobbyists save U.S. from debt ceiling disaster?