The CW to Send People to the Woods to Die
In the case of that celebrity high-diving show, the argument could be made that at least those people are celebrities, and thus in some sense must know what they're getting themselves into, because they have managers and agents and things advising them. Right? But now something really dangerous is happening. The CW is sending regular folks into a very likely deadly situation for the delight of home viewers, and that just seems cruel. In an attempt to capitalize on The Hunger Games, which is a nonfiction series about Darfur, The CW has ordered a reality show called The Hunt, on which "12 teams of two are provided no food, water or shelter but must compete in a game where they rely on their physicality, survival skills and hunting skills to endure their conditions, capture one another and ultimately win a cash prize." Oh, great. Running around the woods, crazed from starvation and dehydration, trying to "capture" each other for money. Terrific. I mean, I guess it accurately depicts the state of things in the nation today, so there's that, but yikes. This sounds destined to go horribly, horribly awry. That said, if you want to go die in the woods for The CW, give 'em a call. I'm sure they'd love to have you. [The Hollywood Reporter]
RELATED: The Cast of HBO's 'Game Change' So Far
All right, here's some civilized TV news to wash out the taste of all that tree bark and human blood. Margo Martindale, longtime actress turned Emmy-winning Justified superstar, has been cast in a long arc on FX's upcoming Cold War thriller The Americans. That's the one with Keri Russell and some dude pretending to be normal Joe and Jane Americano in New Jersey, when they're secretly super-embedded Soviet spies. The show looks promising, and now Margo Martindale is going to be on it, which makes it a near-about must watch. She'll be playing "a KGB illegal living in the U.S. who delivers assignments." Which is intriguing! She's good when she's got a little villainy to play. Well done, Americans! Which, sigh, is likely the last time we'll be saying that today. [Deadline]
RELATED: 'Girls' Gives Us a Tease
Speaking of terrible America, HBO is planning a sequel to its award-winning movie about the 2008 presidential campaign Game Change, presumably based on the 2012 election followup to the Game Change book that's currently being written. So it's not exactly a sequel, in that it won't include a lot of the same characters, but it's a continuation of the theme and style, I guess. Like, presumably Julianne Moore won't be back playing Sarah Palin, unless there's one weird single scene of Sarah Palin wandering around Wasilla while sad music plays, looking at things and half-smiling in the cold, thin sun. Actually, can there be that scene? I'll direct the second unit if you guys don't want to go out to Alaska. As for the actual main characters, who should play Mitt Romney? Richard Jenkins maybe? If they fancied him up a bit? Could work. And, oh boy... What about Ann?? That's going to be the exciting role. Let's Mary Kay Place. And Paul Ryan... What about Paul Ryan... Oh, duh. Jason Schwartzman. Done. It's practically a wrap. Cut, print. [Vulture]
RELATED: 'Game Change': The Birth of Sarah Palin
Normally we don't cover music in this here column, because what is music these days, really, but this feels like worth noting: Bruno Mars currently has the number-one single in America, that annoying "Locked Out of Heaven" ditty, which is his fourth number-one song. That gives him "the fastest collection of a male artist's first four No. 1s in exactly 48 years." Forty-eight years! Meaning, longer than Paul Ryan has been alive. Sure that's kind of a weird, busy statistic, like best opening for a non-holiday R-rated comedy in the end of March, but still. Bruno Mars, setting big records. I didn't know that many people even knew who Bruno Mars was! Apparently they do, though. Apparently you've all been listening to Bruno Mars while over here the old Annie Lennox CD plays again and again and no one says a thing. Thanks a lot, guys. Leaving a friend out in the cold like that. What else aren't you telling me? Is Jennifer Paige still making music? Well? Is she?? [Billboard]
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This is the time of year for lists — best things, worst things, great things, sad things — but only one list truly matters. We didn't even know it mattered until we saw it, but then, suddenly, there it was, a new knowledge, a new list at the top of the Best List list. It's "Best and Worst Nudity of 2012," and it must be savored and cherished. If only for the bizarre phrase "Worst Nudity." Yikes. How would you like to wind up in the "Worst Nudity" category? You basically got naked for nothing. And not only did your nakedness serve no purpose, it was some of the worst nakedness of the whole year. It took away from the world, your nakedness. You were really bad at being naked this year. Just really terrible. So you get Worst Nudity, while some others get Best. Your nudity was bad, theirs was good. That's just how the world worked this year. Awful nudity, you. You were really, really bad at being naked this year. [Entertainment Weekly]
RELATED: At Long Last, CW Shows Whenever You Want Them
CBS has released a new trailer for its midseason drama Golden Boy and it looks kinda good? The show is about a young New York cop who rises to the ranks of police commissioner remarkably quickly, possibly through dirty/morally questionable means. It looks to be set in the future with flashbacks to the past/our present, which is sometimes interesting. It stars this guy, which ain't a problem, and I dunno, for normally squishy CBS it looks like it could be a little sharp. We'll give it a look. Which, ha, is exactly the point of this tease, so well done, tease people. You've done your jobs admirably. You may go home now.
