Cue Adele: So Many People Are About to Get Turkey Dumped
Two years ago I was so scarred by my little sister’s emotional undulations and outbursts during Thanksgiving that I had to flee the country the next year, skipping the holiday all together. She was a senior in high school that year, her boyfriend a freshman in college, and the two had just “successfully” completed three months of dating long distance. Their relationship was, according to her, “going great.” She visited his school, he came back home a few weekends, they FaceTimed every night and texted constantly. They were in a good place, still in love —or, at least, that’s what she thought.
I still remember the shriek. It sounded like a baby animal was being harpooned. which is apparently the same noise a teenage girl makes when she has her heart broken for the first time. Every time I eat turkey, this guttural amalgamation of yelling and sobbing comes back. She had been dumped, after months of his cheating with plenty of willing co-eds.
Turns out my sister wasn’t, isn’t, and forever won’t be alone in this (this being ruining your family’s November time together by moaning and bemoaning the loss of love). In fact, there’s an entire phenomenon called the “Turkey Dump.” According to urbandictionary.com, this is when a student returning from college breaks up with their significant other from high school. “So-called because it traditionally takes place over Thanksgiving break, the first time most students return from college.”
This custom, one that’s nearly as old as the holiday for which it’s named, is actually widely documented (despite my just having learned about it when researching “how to deal with crazy college students over the holidays”); everyone from NPR to The Atlantic has talked about it. Also known as the turkey drop, many students and even professionals attribute the trend to the fact that those at school have been, like, totally changed by their freshman year.
You think the high school boyfriend or girlfriend with whom you’ve grown up is your soulmate. But then you develop more in the short time you’re away at college—gain more independence, develop opinions of your own, do your own laundry—than you had throughout your relationship, no matter how long it lasted. Coming to terms with the fact that one person’s become a vegan while the other’s ditched the use of personal pronouns, sometimes leads to a parting of ways. (Not to mention long distance relationships are just hard, regardless of how much technology has helped bridge the miles.) There are new friends, loads of schoolwork, and plenty of social activities that tend to take precedence over whoever you’ve left behind.
One Tumblr aptly entitled turkeydump.tumblr.com, collects stories from those who’ve experienced the pain of being turkey dumped, sharing stories and tips on how to make it through (for example, listen to Justin Bieber, gorge on mashed potatoes). “I was blindsided,” one dumpee wrote. “She came over the first night she got home and I could tell something was different. She immediately said she wanted to break up…I was so angry that I jumped to the conclusion she had found someone else. I didn’t say anything because I was just so pissed. She was nice about it I guess, but I didn’t care. I thought this was the end of the world. I thought I had wasted three months of college still thinking about her when she had probably been doing whatever she pleased.”
A girl confessed that despite text-based, video, and vocal forms of communication, her boyfriend eventually started getting jealous when she was hanging out with other guys or going out and having fun. “ I started to see that it would not really work out, since in some ways he was trying to limit my college experience,” she said. “By Thanksgiving, I was already crushing on someone else (from afar) but I did not end up breaking up with my boyfriend until right before I came back to campus in January. I still liked him a lot and wanted to spend time with him during Thanksgiving and winter break … I just knew it would not work out ultimately so I chose to break it off right before Spring semester. That way I would get the time I wanted with him over Christmas and still be single for the Spring. It was the right choice.” The aforementioned crush turned into her boyfriend shortly thereafter.
There isn’t just anecdotal evidence from lovelorn young adults to support this phenomenon. One study found that about half of those in a LDR (that’s long-distance relationship for those of you not versed on romantic acronyms) broke up with their partners before fall finals. Another analysis, this one conducted in 1994 (the year today’s college seniors were born), discovered that 36 percent of participants in LDRs during their first year of college eventually parted with their partners at some point throughout the first semester. While not officially science, Facebook status updates showed more shifts from committed to single during the and saw that relationships changed to single Thanksgiving and the two weeks before Christmas.
“Thanksgiving break is kind of the last point at which a reasonable human being can drop a significant other until February, and many take advantage of the small window of time,” Dan Savage, sex and relationship expert, said. And this statement applies to all, not just university kids. "For grown-ups, it’s the anticipation of being stuck for three or four more months.” He explained, “You’re a cad if you break up around Christmas. And then there’s New Year’s — and you can’t dump somebody right around New Year’s. After that, if you don’t jump on it, is Valentine’s Day,“ he said. "God forbid if their birthday should fall somewhere between November and February — then you’re really stuck.” Basically: "Thanksgiving is really when you have to pull the trigger if you’re not willing to tough it out through February.”
Break out the festive booze, cue the Adele, and prepare to wallow.
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