Confused About How Much to Spend on a Wedding Gift? Here's What the Experts Say
There are few envelopes that are more exciting to open than that of a loved one's wedding invitation — especially if you've been looking forward to it ever since their engagement. The wedding invitation bundle packs a lot of important information for the event's guests — the date, dress code, hotel accommodations — and now it often includes a URL to the couple's online gift registry.
Before you get swept up in the excitement of booking a hotel and putting together a great outfit, you'll want to check out the couple's registry so you can decide as soon as possible what you'll be getting them as a wedding gift. If you wait, the good stuff (like cookware and bedding) may soon be gone. As you are perusing the registry list and taking note of the wide range of prices for these items, you may wonder how much money is appropriate to spend on a wedding gift.
Determining Your Wedding-Gift Budget
"The old-school rule of thumb is to 'pay for your plate,' but that doesn't really exist anymore," says Elizabeth Wexler, who runs a wedding planning company called Emlan Events and a registry start-up called Spennie.
To determine your wedding-gift budget, you can consider your usual spending habits. "A good place to start is what you would spend on a fabulous night out with friends; now multiply that by four," says Jodi Smith of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting.
She explains that, while this formula isn't scientific, multiplying your estimated expenditure by four provides a "workable guideline" for gift-givers. "This same budget should apply whether you are giving a gift from the registry or a monetary contribution," Smith says. Meaning, you can apply this same formula if the couple is opting for a honeymoon fund or house down-payment fund in lieu of a traditional registry.
Following Smith's guideline, if a night out for dinner and drinks costs you about $100, your starting price point for the wedding gift would be $400. If that amount sounds like more than you'd want to spend on a particular couple's wedding present, you can factor several other things into your decision.
Additional Aspects to Consider
Because there are so many variables to think about with any wedding you're invited to, the amount you spend on a gift will likely differ from event to event. "Are you invited solo or as a couple? The expectation is, as a couple, to increase your spending," Wexler says. "And, is it a local or destination wedding? The expectation is to spend less on a gift when you've spent money out of pocket for travel."
Both experts advise that your relationship with the couple is an important indication of how much to spend on them. For example, it makes sense that you'd spend more on a gift for a sibling or close friend than a work colleague. And, of course, if you're married and the engaged couple attended your wedding, this is the perfect opportunity to repay their kindness. (If you can recall what it was that they gave you!) "Did they get you a wedding gift? Then it's easy, reciprocate," Wexler says.
If You're Not Attending
If you have to make the tough choice to RSVP "no" to a wedding, you should still give a gift. It's a thoughtful gesture to show the couple how much you care about them and still wish to be a part of their married life. However, the rules for gift-giving in this situation are just as flexible. "If you're attending [the wedding], the expectation is to give more than if you're not," Wexler says. "Although, we've seen it the other way. We call it 'guilt gifting,' where gifters give more out of guilt for not being able to attend.
If you have to miss the wedding, we suggest deferring to the other factors above to decide the right price point for your registry gifting. Writing the couple a separate heartfelt note is a good idea, too.
What to Do if the Registry Is Sold Out
It happens! If the wedding is months away, purchasing a registry gift can easily slip to the bottom of the to-do list. However, if you wait too long, you may be left with a picked-over list of items — or a completely sold-out registry.
However, you can still give a thoughtful gift if this should occur. "If someone would like to be generous, but the registry is bare, the guest has three options: They can give a monetary gift, they can ask the couple if there is anything additional they can get them in a particular price range, or they can purchase something in the same theme of their registry but with a gift receipt," Smith says.
While the issue of how much to spend on a wedding gift can seem daunting, especially if their registry is sold out, just keep in mind that the couple already cares about you enough to invite you to this important event in their lives. How you continue to express your love, gratitude, and support for them likely matters more than how much their wedding gift costs.
You Might Also Like
