CNN Is Really, Really, Really Into This 'Poop Cruise' Disaster

Dashiell Bennett

If case you haven't heard, there's a very smelly and disgusting cruise ship stranded in the Gulf of Mexico right now. It's still several hours away from limping into port, but CNN has got you covered right now with riveting wall-to-wall coverage of the slowest moving boat in the world. 

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The 24-hour cable network has been covering the "floating petri dish" almost non-stop, pausing only very briefly to talk about things like the Oscar Pistorius murder case and the complex inner workings of the federal government. But don't go away for long because they'll be right back to talk about the Carnival Cruise Lines ship that is only slight closer to shore than the last time.

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Here's a recap of about 30 minutes worth of CNN's coverage today, from roughly 1:15 to 1:45 p.m. This is one of CNN's "exclusive" shots of the boat, taken from an on-shore camera:

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Here it is again. Only with a weird lighthouse next to it.

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The anchor has something to say, but the boat is still moving closer.

Now let's cut to this guy, who is also on water, but not on the boat. His camera isn't as good as the one trained on the boat.

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On the left is the boat the way it looks now, according to the "live exclusive" shot on land. On the right is the way it looked 20 minutes ago, according to CNN's helicopter "exclusive" shot from the air, and apparently on tape delay. Believe it or not, it's the same boat.

This guy is a former employee of Carnival Cruises. That's why he's so happy to share the screen.

Here's the boat, and one of the tug boats dragging back to shore. Did you know people can walk faster than 1 mile an hour?

Can we get a close-up of one of the other tug boats?

The Carnival guy is back! He brought a friend, for dual talking head action.

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Hold on, everyone. The President of the United States is speaking. That doesn't mean you can't still watch the boat down in the corner.


The Senate does not have the 60 votes needed to remove a live shot of the boat from out of this discussion.

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Don't forget to turn into the Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer for more exciting boat videos.